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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've just got out of a manipulative relationship and I miss her, is this the best way for me to heal?

2 replies

Usy777 · 11/12/2021 16:59

I was cheated on 6 years ago by this girl who I stupidly gave a second chance to, we got back together last year as I thought she would have changed. Long story short, when we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off. She ended up getting divorced a year after her marriage, she did have a few failed relationships afterwards. I gave her a second chance last year (I know it was a stupid thing to do, I regret it).

We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage. And when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure).

I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything which I thought was childish, this was a month ago and now she seemed to unblocked me but she hasn't got in touch.

I do miss her but I just want to heal and move on cos I know she's not good for me. As per the title of my post, to help myself heal I am planning to stay away from relationships for a while and to do this I am planning on putting more focus on to my career (currently IT graduate, planning to advance my career by undertaking more software engineering certificates to enhance my career). I have also joined the gym now as another way to heal and improve mentally & physically and to keep myself busy.

Am I taking the right steps to heal, also what could I do better?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/12/2021 19:14

Your plan to focus on yourself and your studies sounds sensible OP. If you have the means to do so, and you feel it would be beneficial, maybe a few counselling sessions would help you process what sounds like a confusing and traumatic time? It might give you some confidence for the future by developing some coping skills / establishing boundaries that will help you have healthy and happy relationships in future.

Dery · 11/12/2021 19:39

Very wise advice from @youvegottenminuteslynn. And good for you, OP, for knowing your worth and removing yourself from a really unhealthy and messed up dynamic.

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