Just told me that he's married...

[OkSpiritualknot]

OK, been seeing a guy very occasionally, maybe once a month, since August 2020. But we're in regular touch via texts. He's always said that he is divorced.

His work takes him all over the country, for several weeks at a time. I've become rather obsessed about him. I saw him last week and he admitted he was married for 30 years, but has been separated for the last 3 years.

Now I'm noticing how he never contacts me at weekends, how he never takes me out anywhere, and how last week he wouldn't smoke a cig on my balcony. (I assume it's because he doesn't want to be spotted)

I'm pretty devastated. There is a language barrier, so it's difficult to casually ask him things, drop hints etc. I know I need to finish him. He says he loves me, but only manages to text me after midnight every few days. We sometimes face time, when he's in bed and he is alone. But maybe they do just sleep separately.

I'm so pissed off with myself, he says he gets on well with his ex, but I think they're still very much together. Most men who are separated tell me straight away, but he insisted that he was divorced. I don't know what to believe anymore.

I'm no angel myself, as I'm constantly looking for a proper relationship, with someone who has time for me, but I don't have sex with anyone but him. But I know that seeing him is preventing me from liking/fancying other men.

Has anyone got any advice, or experienced something similar? Please be kind.

I have tried to finish things before, due to feeling disrespected by him. He persuaded me otherwise, which I wasn't happy about really. Felt he should have let me go....

You need to take ownership of your actions OP. You wanted to break up with him. You say he should have 'let' you go, but you are perfectly capable of breaking up with him without his permission or consent. It's not a joint decision. Stop giving this man so much power when he treats you like a 'nice to have' option. End it, block him and focus on your future not some half arsed wanker.

So I've got some time to think things through.. I guess I'm part of the problem as I don't have much to offer anyone with living between two countries.

I'm sorry you're disappointed and hurting OP. It sucks. But there is nothing to think through. FGS please just end it and block him. You will feel so much better in a short time!

Dump him OP, he is wasting your time.

Wanting to marry you after a couple of dates isn't needy, it's batshit and you are absolutely right to avoid.

Wishing you luck.

Separated my hole. Fuck it off.

Ask yourself why did he suddenly tell you that he was married. What reaction was he expecting from you? Did he say it because he thought you were getting too close to him?
Also. If it helps, look at the numbers.
You say you see him once a month and that you've been seeing him since March 2020 - that's One year and 9 months..
That's almost two birthdays. Two years of your life
and in that time you've seen him about 21 days... just 3 weeks in total out of 21 months.
What is he doing with the other 609 days (approximately) who is he spending that time with?
How much do you see him at Christmas, Easter, Birthdays.. what was the plan for this year?
Forgive my maths if its incorrect and its only approximate but that means you are spending just 3.45 % of his time with him. Lets be generous and call it 4%... Then 96% of his time is spent apart from you.
Sorry if this sounds brutal, but I think it is easy to get caught up in things as time goes by, it becomes normal and yet the Stats are telling you, you are giving up a lot of a total of 3% of someone's time. Its sometimes hard to look at things where emotions are invested, but sometimes the cold hard facts can clarify things.
Its fantastic for him! But it doesn't sound like you are getting much at all out of this relationship
You really do deserve more than that.

You see him once a month ? This is going nowhere . You have already wasted a substantial amount of time on this married player .

Sorry to read of this man's behaviour. Hope you can find someone soon who you deserve.

Block him everywhere. Engaging with this appalling behaviour must be doing terrible things for your self esteem.

Nowoman, yes it is
I was hounded out of the NHS by ruthless managers years ago. It affected me greatly.

This way this man treats me, just confirms my feelings of worthlessness. He needs to go, I have to do it. For my sanity, if for nothing else...

@Fallagain

You need to start upping your standards. This man only contacts you after midnight 🚩, I’m guessing you’ve never been on a date 🚩, you cant communicate clearly 🚩, says he loves you after meeting only on a few occasions 🚩, only sees you once a month 🚩. This is not a relationship. He is married and he is using you for sex. The only thing you can sensibly do is block him and never speak to him again.

This