My mum and me aren't speaking anymore

[funnytummymummy]

I feel I needed to come on here to get your opinions and have an oulet for my frustration.

Basically my mother has stopped talking to me again, all because I had the wrong tone of voice!!! This happened 3 times whilst I was pregnant with my last child (now 14 months), couple of those times I felt I was in the wrong and apologised with flowers. This time though, I feel I have had enough and I need to feel that my mum can admit she makes mistakes like the rest of us but my mum has NEVER apologised for anything in her life and talks to people like rubbish.

My 1st child is 3 years old and whilst my mum would never come to see us- I would always have to meet her at a shopping centre somewhere- she is trying to make a separate relationship with her because I know she feels that at 14 months, my 2nd child probably won't remember her.

This has been going on now for a couple of months and with christmas around the corner I am finding it difficult to do the right thing. My brother will be coming over (he lives with her) no doubt with presents for the kids from her, which I will have to accept but if this is still going on next xmas then I won't let that happen.

I really need some support here, am I being unreasonable and what would you advise?

is there some sort of ongoing problem between the two of you that goes much deeper than these few incidents? I am assuming there is for you to be so pi**ed off at her unreasonableness

I think there comes a point (and I have reached it with my mother) where you have to realise she is a flawed human being who only does what she knows how to do. So she probably had an emotionally detached parent(s).

Just because she is your Mum, you do not have to like her. Of course you would not wish any harm on her. But you must know it is not down to you how she reacts about things, and it sounds like she is sensitive and probably a bit spoilt.

Perhaps you could write to her to say for the sake of your kids could you call a truce, but you are not willing to pander to her anymore as you are a grown woman with a family of your own to think about now.

Mothers have the capacity to totally screw up their daughters. There are countless threads on MN testament to that. You have to find someway of dealing with your Mum that will keep you and your family happy. You are not responsible for her happiness.

Good luck! (FWIW I am seeing my Mum for the first time on sat. after sending her a 'tell it like it is'email, so perhaps we can compare notes after the weekend!

Hi Funnytummymummy and Maidenmess...from what you have both said (Maidenmess on another post you set up and I somehow missed!) you need to be posting on this thread

Have a read. Also this thread

And no, none of us feel we should be on the thread posting either afterall, our childhoods weren't that bad.

I broke up with my Mum for two and a half years, because she wouldn't treat me as a reasoning grown up adult with children of my own. We even moved house to get away from her, and eventually we had contact because my uncle died. Since the break she has treated me as an adult and we now have a great relationship.
She told me that it was my willingness never to see her again (or let the children miss out on a grandmother relationship), that made her take notice. Every thing said before that was bunged in the 'she's being childish' bin.
Don't know if it will help you, but it did help me.

Thanks everyone for your messages.

I really think this is permanent this time and also believe if she has cut me out of her life then my kids should be included in that rule too.

I find it totally unbelieveable that a mother can do this to her own child especially when I know how much I love my 2 daughters. Things will quieten down after christmas naturally and maybe then I can think of writing her a letter.

My mother did it to me just before last Xmas. Ally has referred you to the thread I started.

It sadly is believable (looking at other thread and Pages experience) that some mothers will do this. Usually because of an abused childhood themselves. However this is a reason for their behaviour, not an excuse. And at any time they could chose to do something differently. Unfortunately many are not strong enough to admit they are wrong.

Having children/weddings/family events tend to trigger reactions from mothers with problems/issues.