Embarrassed and don’t know how to stop this escalating

[SaveUsernzme]

NC as I feel embarrassed about this!

I’ve developed a fear that people are talking about me. I’ve always been quite an analytical person and my mind runs away with me…but nothing like this.

I don’t know if working from home has made it worse.

I can’t relax at all and feel like colleagues, friends and family are saying things behind my back. I don’t know what they’d be saying but even when I hear from them and they’re chatting away, I feel stressed and anxious.

I have begun questioning people in covert ways…it’s probably not covert actually, maybe they sense im worrying.

I hate it. The thoughts get worse and worse. Eleven years ago I had to make a horrible decision to take a tablet to stop my pregnancy as the baby had stopped growing properly but it was documented as my decision as I could technically have taken it through to birth though they would have died almost straight away. I sometimes think people are talking about that and don’t know what really happened.

My brother hasn’t spoken to me much over the years as he’s seen my worries most and he gets frustrated. I wonder how many other relationships I am now damaging with this

I am not anxious generally but have completely become hooked on the concept that people are talking badly of me in some way behind my back. It’s making me feel quite lonely now as well.

@hivemindneeded how do you know for sure there’s no truth in it? I always think there’s a chance it could be true, as i guess there is with anything…

I just want my life back. I want to not care what people think or say.

You know there's no truth in it because the truth is - none of us are that important to the majority of other people in the world. The only people we really matter to are very close family and partners. And even they only think about us some of the time.

So, there is no basis for the anxiety - it's concocted inside your head. In your case, CBT would help you stop and think: my colleagues are chatting. They could be talking about me behind my back. Or they could be talking about anyone else at work behind their back. Or they could be discussing what was on TV last night or X's new baby or Y's teen's uni application or Z's diet plans or what they are doing at Christmas or where they want to go on holiday. Or whether they should split from a partner or go out with that person from OLD or spend £££ on new shoes or put the tree up yet or or or etc etc etc.

If they seem to shut up when you come into the room, you could think they are talking about you or you could decide they are discussing something private or sensitive which is to do with them and their lives and nothing to do with you. Because the truth is: most people are interested in themselves, their own small world of their family, their own preoccupations. The chances of them talking about you are miniscule. You are not that important in their life. You don't feature highly, if you feature at all.

Even if you were a celebrity or at the centre of some office scandal, it still wouldn't be you they were talking about the majority of the time.

So the truth is, you are likely to be off the hook, and not a POI to anyone.

As to your brother avoiding you, well people do avoid neurotic people who are hard work and worry unneccessarily. And getting back from being that person into someone who they look forward to hearing from is hard work. But worth it. So try a few very quick specific texts to him e.g. Hi bro, I want to send you something for Christmas - what do you fancy? Whisky? A book? Socks? If there's something you fancy, send me a link. Hope all is well. xxSis

If you can manage a few texts along similar lines which don't carry any hint of: I am going to trap you and bore on at you about my unfounded anxieties then he might risk calling you. If he does, just chat without referring to your anxiety. Allow something more healthy, happy and normal to drive the conversation.

All these tiny tricks allow the air back into your mind, allow sanity to take hold over the intrusive thoughts and you feel so much happier when it does.

First of all, please please talk to your GP / self-refer for some therapy. This is a MH issue that can be helped. There is no reason to believe you will always be like this. We need to get better at treating anxiety and other MH issues like we treat physical health issues.... by that I mean that if you'd got an awful pain in your leg and you couldn't walk on it, would you convince yourself that it will be like that forever / you'll never walk again / there's nothing to be done about it, or would you talk to a doctor and get it treated?

Secondly, regarding your question of whether people are actually talking about you I would say that in most cases they aren't (what are you giving them to talk about? / most people are too busy with their own lives) and also - so what if they are? If you are living a decent, honest life, then what have you to be frightened of? They might be saying good things. If they say unpleasant things, then that reflects on them, not you. They are not good people and you shouldn't care what they think.

But honestly, most of this is imagined by you. You are at the centre of your own life, but ither than your nearest and dearest (and I say this kindly) everyone else has too much to think about to dwell on your life for very long.

I think that only a doctor can decide if this is anxiety related. The presence of thoughts about others harming you are important and need a proper diagnosis.