Why have I not found someone after 15 years?

[Reguuuuu]

15 years of dating. Of heartbreak, relationships with hops, situations, moving in and breaking up, I can’t cope with it anymore.

I’m the only person I know of personally who is completely and utterly single.

In the meantime I’ve done my job and progressed at work and so on. I’ve got interests. I’ve travelled a bit.

How am I still alone? It’s making me so sad.

*relationships with hope

I'm sorry you are so sad.

I know several people who are completely and utterly single, several who are unhappily coupled, and several who found someone after a very long time single.

Have you considered Relate? they do solo counselling, might be helpful?

I've been single most of my adult life, and the relationships I've had have been long distance. No one's ever wanted me to move in let alone marry. I don't think I am unbearably weird, nor completely hideous to look at. There is some element of choice, I suppose - there is a guy at work who is keen, but I don't fancy his politics or opinions on some other stuff, and so I choose being single rather than being with a git for the sake of being in a relationship.

Also, relationships aren't all great. I've had friends leave marriages literally in fear of their lives, and I think I'm better off being perennially single than going through that. There are worse things than being single.

Op, you aren't the only one. I've been single for five years. Sometimes there seems to be a drought when no-one interesting or trustworthy comes along.

Covid hasn't helped. All you can do is ring the changes every couple of months. Choose a new cafe and become a regular, Join a new sports club or an art class or change gym.
Put yourself out there, you're unlikely to meet anyone in your kitchen.

I can understand this. I haven't had a proper relationship since my 20s. There have been lots of flakey men along the way.

I've been single for a few years now and have higher standards now and boundaries. It's better than the highs and lows of situationships.

I'm sorry you're feeling down about your situation.

Have you come across Shani Silver and her Single Serving podcasts? She has been single for over ten years, and did OLD for this amount of time too. She often discusses the single status/societal expectations/the online dating industry etc. I quite like her work.

Do you want a family/children? I'm a solo mother by choice and have recently given birth to a baby boy (conceived via IVF and a sperm donor). I'm not that bothered any longer that I'm not on a relationship, I've got my family, so whither a man relationship come along or not, is inconsequential. Of course, it's nice to share a life with someone, but there are so many relationships that are built on compromise that I'm simply not willing to make in order not to be alone.

I've also dated over 20 years basically, and have been married as well but none of them worked out. I'm now in a 'situanship' with a very good male friend, but I'm not interested in cohabitation/marriage. I have no expectations other than being kind and supportive towards each other. I don't know what the answer is, but just wanted to say I relate to the drama/stress/anxiety f relationships/relationship break downs.

I’m utterly single. Only had 3 relationships, aged 16 for a few months, then 18 for 3 years but for most of that I cheated on him with another man. Then at 27 I had a 3 year relationship.
Other than those I was the OW twice for 6 months each time.
Had a few ONS
But that’s it and I’m now approaching 50 last time I went out with a man was 13 years ago, it was a work drink and we had a ONS. Not even so much as kiss under the mistletoe since

I'm mid 40s and have had 2 long term relationships and a few short lived ones.
I've now been single for 3 years after my last relationship broke up. It was just awful. I felt pressure to be in a relationship (society's expectations/definition of success etc) but I'm not entirely sure it's the right thing for me. I put up with so much crap with my ex just so I could be in a relationship. I lost myself completely and no longer knew who I was.
I am feeling better now and I don't know if I would like to be in a relationship or if I should be. And now I've really fallen for someone who has a life-limiting condition. We care about each other very much indeed and there is a lot of chemistry there, but we know, even without it being spoken about, that's there's not a future in it because of his prognosis and because of difficulties he regular suffers due to the condition and its treatment. It's heart-breaking.

I don't really know why I haven't found someone lovely, who is supportive, non-emotionally abusive, who isn't a cocklodger and isn't dying.....
I'm starting to feel like I have to accept my "fate". Being single does have a lot of advantages actually but I often ask myself what is wrong with me.
OLD doesn't do it for me either as I need to get to know someone emotionally first before even thinking about shagging them. I couldn't do a couple of dates and then shag and then see how things progress.

This was a long post just wittering on, and not really helpful to the OP, but I wanted to let you know there are other people out there like you.