When DH and I got together (second marriages), he had recently gone bankrupt while I was in a fairly solid financial position. I could afford to buy us a house with a small mortgage and had a good job. We have always contributed equally to household costs, other than the house capital, and then we kept our own spending money. DH is always overspending on his own personal stuff and gets into debt. I've helped him out with that quite often, as has his Mum. DH has also paid towards the costs of my kids from my first marriage, as my ex has not paid anything much in maintenance. We have muddled along like this for 15 years.
Over the last year, both my parents have passed away. It's been a very traumatic time with covid affecting their deaths. I am now due an inheritance. DH is keen to use this to buy a better house, primarily incorporating room for his extensive hobbies and his small business. I feel railroaded into spending most of the inheritance on his requirements!
I'm not sure what is reasonable here given that a couple's money is regarded as joint. Where we have tended to keep our finances separate (I was very wary at the start given he had been bankrupt) I feel that now this money is on the horizon, DH has already spent it on himself!
We've seen a good house but it would need extending to provide the space DH wants. I wouldn't benefit from most of these adaptations. AIBU to feel a bit of a mug to fund all of this?!