Feels like we’re just friends

[backseatofmylife]

I’m 27 and have been with DP for 5 years.

I love him as a person. He is a talented, kind, good man. I would absolutely love to have him in my life forever and the idea of never speaking to him again is just really, really horrible.

I just don’t know if I’m in love with him. And I know that love is what is left when being in love fades away. I know that the rush of being in love is always temporary and that’s not what I’m craving. This is my first long term (over a year) relationship and we’ve been together since I was so young. I don’t know what a relationship should be like at this point.

We barely kiss. He doesn’t like kissing so we haven’t kissed properly in absolutely ages and we hardly have sex, not even because it isn’t good (it is). I just feel as though we are good friends or flatmates.

Is this just par for the course?

Why has both the kissing and the sex dropped off?. Do not settle for so little here from a relationship. Do not get into your 30s living like this. This is par for the course for a relationship that is over or should be. His emotional withdrawal from you is likely his cowardly way of telling you that it’s over.

It isn't just par for the course. I remember I felt something similar for my ex-partner when I was about your age and had been together for a similar amount of time. I thought it was just how everyone felt after a few years and had nothing to compare it to. I mentioned it to my mum and she said it absolutely wasn't how everyone felt and that she still felt excited coming home from work to my dad after several years of marriage and that he still made her feel giddy a long time into the relationship. My ex-partner also didnt like kissing so we only did it in the beginning of relationship and then it fizzled out.

I eventually left my ex-partner and met my current DP and he makes me feel totally different. He isnt just somebody who I live with. I absolutely love kissing him. I can't wait to get home from work to see him every day. I'm so glad I didnt waste anymore time in a flat relationship. You can have love for somebody but still want/need more. You're only young and you could have much more ahead of you than a life void of passion.

It's not par for the course . It's time for you both to move on .

Never ever commit your life to someone who you have no passion with.
No kissing? Bad (if any) sex ?
Recipe for disaster.

It is not par for the course. I've been with DP for 13 years and I'm still in love.

Before him, my feelings faded with many other partners, but not DP.

I chalk it up to the fact that we share similar values, and both admire and respect each other.

It's tough to stay in a relationship when the "in love" feeling is gone, but you don't need to rush into anything... take your time and make decisions when it feels right...

Why doesn't he like kissing OP?

I have been with my partner for over 16 years and although we don't do the bedroom stuff much anymore i love him as much as ever and look forward to him coming home from work

I'm the same age as you OP together 9 years the sex can be hit and miss sometimes I want it more than him... But we still kiss and cuddle I look forward to him coming in from work and still want to be around him. I to have not much to compare it to either which sometimes leaves you wondering what if/ is the grass greener? Here to message if you need! I just boil it down to would I be happier on my own? Am I upset at the thought of leaving if not then just get out now I would say

You are too young to be settling for this.
Get out now.
I’d hate my daughter to be living like this, I’d want better for her.

If you feel you love him, then a good old fashioned, honest discussion may be in order. Maybe a little time away from each other to allow yourselves to miss each other and realise the feeling are still there.

Honestly I read so many comments on here which are along the lines of 'just leave' and in some cases that's right thing to do...but it also it may be worth you both trying to make an effort with each other and the intimacy side of things. Date nights and time when you put away distractions and concerntrate on each other.
I think it's completely normal to fall into comfortable habits after so long.
But remember, your still young and can move on if you do find yourself wanting more.

I stayed with a partner for years in my mid twenties because he was my best friend- but the romantic feelings had gone after about a year. I really dragged things out because I just couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. I used to feel so envious of people in ‘proper’ relationships (being in love) and felt so dissatisfied, like I was living a lie. Eventually I had the courage to end things. It wasn’t easy and I missed him terribly and for a good while afterwards I compared every new guy to him.
But I finally met someone else, and we have a baby on the way, the spark and affection is there, I am full of love and gratitude.
It scares me to think how I’d be feeling now if I was still with my ex.

Don’t settle.

My exh didn’t like kissing, I missed it but he had lots of other values I loved and respected. The sex dwindled and when we did no kissing, I didn’t feel loved. He said it but I didn’t feel he meant it. I also really missed a snog.

I became very depressed and have now left. Everyone around us thought we had the ‘perfect’ marriage.. whatever that is?!

I am on my own now, absolutely the right decision. Wish I’d done it so much sooner! I also look at other couples in envy and use to think, why isn’t it like that for me? I think we all know if it’s not right but getting the courage up and having very difficult discussions is so hard isn’t it?

I've been with my husband 5 years, married for one. If anything I think we fancy each other more and we have an active sex life despite kids. I've also been with an ex in the past similar to how you describe and always felt I was lacking and unfulfilled. I'm much happier now. I think it's time to go your separate ways, you're far too young to have years ahead of you like this.

“It's not par for the course . It's time for you both to move on.”

This.

It's completely normal for first relationships between people in their 20s to fade out like this. But it's definitely a sign that it's over.

It's not really a bad thing. You've had what sounds like a worthwhile relationship with a man you respect. It's helped you learn about yourself, about relationships and about what you want in a relationship. That's natural. It's fizzling out, but you can still walk away with that respect, and that's so much better than finally ending it when it's been poisoned by resentment. And you can still have each other in your lives as friends who just didn't work out as a couple. There's no shame in that, and a lot to be proud of.

Regular physical contact and sex are essential to a successful LTR. If they have gone and there is no desire or intention to do anything about it then the relationship is over.

How would you feel if you split up now and in a few weeks' time you walked into a pub and saw him with his arm around someone else?

The relationship has run its course op and that's completely normal for any relationship , but it sounds to me like you've both grown up and grown apart and that's normal too.

It's easy for us all to say it's over, move on. But I know it's so much harder when you're in that situation and feel trapped for whatever reason. You're very young though, and you should have everything that is 'normal' in a relationship. You know yourself if it's the end. I would just say don't let it drag in like I have. I've basically been married to a friend (not even one very high up the list tbh) for 15 years, and I'm desperate for real affection and love and sex. Not from him though. You really are very young to get stuck with a friend, when you really need and want a partner. Good luck OP x

I would be devastated if my DP didn't want to kiss me. has he always been like this?

Oh lovely you're so young. This isn't good. Please, please don't settle. I'm sure he's a lovely man but in your 20s, sex should be glorious and giggly fun, spending days in bed and exploring. You deserve to be showered in affection and kissed until your lips are sore.

I think this has run its course. I'm sorry

You've grown out of each other

Ah you are too young for a relationship like this. Don't settle for this. Break away before you lose that friendship connection and things turn bitter.