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Relationships

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Is this okey in relationship ? Please advise

12 replies

lifeisnoteasy · 10/12/2021 08:18

Hi all
A question on relationships—
Us as a couple married for 10 years, spend most of the time together peacefully and cracks on silly jokes… we don’t argue on petty things and both show common interests and love each other…

His one thing though that bothers me massively is that he gets very open with woman and gets friendly … he does have male friends too. Caz of his nature, he develops friendships easily.

Problem doesn’t start there, issue is, on one incident, I saw his message stating love you n miss u to a woman friend and that does bug me, making it worst he even deleted such messages. On confronting him, he argued that it was just said in a friendly manner as a gesture and he doesn’t hold any intentions and gave reason on deleting it that I get insecure and take it wrong. Is this right ????

In the past past as well, he had good old long conversations to distant female friends (&male friends too), but I told him that this is not my cup of tea and he shud stop it which he even did…

On general basis I know where he is what he is doing everyday, he does love me and can go against anyone for me, even against his parents…

Another instance was where he mentioned that he just laid his head in someone’s lap few years back, she was a work colleague and it was again in just a friendly manner according to him…

He always argue when these things are brought up and always try to explain that this is his just nature and he doesn’t mean anything seriously towards woman…

I just want to know is this all ok in any relationship or this is crossing limits ????

OP posts:
dumplings1 · 10/12/2021 08:42

That is not ok, you don't say I love You and miss you to a friend of the opposite sex, especially deleting messages suggests hes got more to hide, he laid his head on a woman's lap, nope not ok in a friendly manner, it's invading personal space especially in the lap area, he wouldn't do that to a male friend.
He's getting away with as much as you'll let him get away with.

ANameChangeAgain · 10/12/2021 08:45

It could all be innocently intended, but its certainly inappropriate behaviour. He is an adult man behaving like a needy child, and its undignified and embarrassing for you.

lifeisnoteasy · 10/12/2021 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katela18 · 10/12/2021 09:48

I wouldn't like saying I love you and miss you to a friend of the opposite sex. It's not necessary? Is he 12?

However, the bigger issue for me is deleting messages. Red flag straight away. Deleting messages suggests 1) he has something to hide and 2) he knows he shouldn't be doing what he is doing.

Raychelle · 10/12/2021 10:31

Laying head on a females lap is intimate! I'd never allow a male friend to do that unless we had some sort of close sexual relationship!

lifeisnoteasy · 10/12/2021 10:58

@dumplings1

That is not ok, you don't say I love You and miss you to a friend of the opposite sex, especially deleting messages suggests hes got more to hide, he laid his head on a woman's lap, nope not ok in a friendly manner, it's invading personal space especially in the lap area, he wouldn't do that to a male friend. He's getting away with as much as you'll let him get away with.
Thanks for ur reply
OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 10/12/2021 12:04

Not something I would be in any way comfortable with !!

lifeisnoteasy · 10/12/2021 15:34

@Katela18

I wouldn't like saying I love you and miss you to a friend of the opposite sex. It's not necessary? Is he 12?

However, the bigger issue for me is deleting messages. Red flag straight away. Deleting messages suggests 1) he has something to hide and 2) he knows he shouldn't be doing what he is doing.

Yup true
OP posts:
freeatlast2021 · 10/12/2021 17:28

Wow, no way is any of this acceptable OP. I see myself doing something like this when I was young and unattached, but if I was in any kind of relationship or married....no way. I would not tolerate this from my partner either. To be honest with you, I think that this is only a tip of the iceberg, that there is a whole lot more there that you do not know about.

MuckyPlucky · 10/12/2021 17:31

There was a thread earlier from a poster with an identical writing style / unique spelling mistake as you.
Yet curiously with a very different set-up.

Hmm
Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2021 17:31

Having female friends is perfectly fine. The way he conducts himself? Totally unacceptable behaviour.

lifeisnoteasy · 10/12/2021 18:00

@MuckyPlucky

There was a thread earlier from a poster with an identical writing style / unique spelling mistake as you. Yet curiously with a very different set-up.

Hmm

Yes I posted by mistake twice sorry it's my 1st post on Mumsnet so got all confused and was not sure if it's been posted or not
OP posts:
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