What would you do?

[useranon12]

Hi again everyone, I'm having a really crap time lately , I am so very close to ending my 10 year relationship and leaving the father of my 2 young children . I have asked a simular question here before but I'm still lost and unsure what to do so would be great to see what people would do in my situation I know you can't know the whole situation and know my feelings but I still think it would be very helpful to get opinions.

So (sorry if its long) I have told my partner I want to leave and not be together anymore .This came about after he was being pretty selfish and not doing his bit with looking after children ( we were both ill but I still had to parent he felt he never ). It's wasn't just for that reason though I am so sick of doing absolutely everything around the house. He does work alot so I do expect to do most but he just doesn't do anything or even think of anything that may help me . I work part time and take care of our children . I very rarely feel like sex with him ( I was having it) but just not ever into it and I think that's down to his little input into helping home life. But then saying that I don't know whether I really love him or fancy him . It not about looks it's about respecting and loving him and I just don't know whether that's there anymore .
I'm saying this now though and it's easy to say when we are not talking and things between us are bad , we do have lots of good times , he is good dad but I do feel like somethings missing but I'm scared I'm leaving and there will be no going back what if I miss him want him back?

He's actually agreed with me that's we should break up and seems pretty serious but then he is very stubborn. I'm looking at getting a house on my own with kids but once I actually start applying I don't think there will be any going back and even though I definitely think its the right thing what if I'm not any happier .

What would you do? Does it sound like I need to be on my own and eventually find someone I'm more compatible with , I'm definitely in no rush for that I will be concentrating on me and kids . I plan to go to therapy and figure out a few things in my head and be the best version of me before I even think of another relationship but then I think can I really leave .

It is tough. And mine is walking round like it’s fine too, but it’s not !

One thing that can be helpful is giving yourself permission to not have to decide right now. If you want to leave but don't feel ready, you don't need to rush. When the time comes that you're ready, you'll know. Sleep easier knowing you don't have to do anything you aren't ready for.

It sounds like you're not in love with him anymore. I personally wouldn't want to stay with someone I no longer fancied, as painful as it is to leave. It sounds really hard, OP, take your time and be kind and gentle with yourself.

@MizzFizz

One thing that can be helpful is giving yourself permission to not have to decide right now. If you want to leave but don't feel ready, you don't need to rush. When the time comes that you're ready, you'll know. Sleep easier knowing you don't have to do anything you aren't ready for.

It sounds like you're not in love with him anymore. I personally wouldn't want to stay with someone I no longer fancied, as painful as it is to leave. It sounds really hard, OP, take your time and be kind and gentle with yourself.

I know your right I am actually thinking about the relationship every second of the day and then all night its really getting me down, I think it's because I have so many mixed emotions . Xmas is around the corner and I should be enjoying things with kids and I'm just falling into depression I feel like. I'm going to try forget about it for now we are living amicable enough just staying out each others way. It's easier said then done though as if I make the move its such a big deal and if I don't I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. I'm not feeling strong enough to decide anything tonight so I just need to try and sleep, thank you everyone appreciate advice ahhh I hate feeling like this why do relationships have to be so hard 😔

I did this last year. I fell in love with my neighbours builder after 2 years of no sex or intimacy with my children's dad. I didn't do anything about my feelings with the builder to start with. But I thought about my relationship with my children's dad. He is a loving dad. He will do anything to help me and he has a heart of gold. But I no longer fancied him. He frustrates me because he's just not one of those men that gets things done. He works and moans he's tired. For 8 years I waited for him to do the garden. He was also very messy. He's a slob really. Leaves fluff in the bathtub. Clothes on the floor. Never cleans his office. We got to a stage of just moaning. Moaning about what we was up against.
He didn't want to split and it took him at least 9 months to accept it. I told my family first. I started going out with the builder 6 months ago. He's kinda confirmed for me that you need to be connected on an emotional and physical level.
I never knew what I was missing. Sex with my children's dad was so boring.

I sometimes even now think did I give up on my little family that I really wanted. But then I ask myself if I could kiss him again or could picture us in bed together sleeping and it feels completely yuck. Gives me the ick. It's sad how it's worked out but we have nothing In common. We don't laugh or bounce of eachother. We don't feel passionate about the same stuff. He became a conspiracy bore and he's obsessed with stuff.

You get one life. Go find your happiness again x

Hi everyone , so I've asked him to go and stay with family for abit , I have asked him this in past and he never has . He's not come home tonight and I'm thinking he's gone to stay there and I feel so so sad . I'm thinking I couldn't actually live without him and if he did leave me and never want to get back I would be heart broken . Am I stupid I told him I wanted to break up but I was so sick of his ways and started doubting everything in our relationship 😪

So basically you want to edge your bets.

Unfortunately life's not like that.
People end up getting hurt by waiting arround, he may have already started to look for replacement partner if you have been having second thoughts about him.