Constantly sick with anxiety that I’m being talked about

[Worriedahh]

There’s a bit of a backstory in that at the start of the year I had a mental health crisis and the police/ambulance were called out. My neighbours were obviously aware (a couple of them are quite nosey). My family and a close friend got involved and exchanged numbers which I absolutely hated, presumably to check on me. I’m a private person and hate the secrecy.

Things got back to normal and then a week ago I spiralled a bit and had a huge argument with my mum on the phone. My neighbour heard and took it upon herself to call my friends and family which has felt like a huge breach of my trust.

To make things worse it turns out my best friend and my mum were messaging at the time and both of them deleted the messages. I now feel I can’t trust either of them. I don’t know how to move past it and feel like I’ve lost everyone.

I can understand that you wouldn't like it.
I'm sure their intentions are good.
We've recently set up a whatsapp group about a family member that is seriously ill, it's to arrange care, meals etc, the person who it concerns is not a member but it was set up because we care and can liaise with each other .
You have given me pause for thought though, I now wonder if our family member wouldn't like it.
Im sending you best wishes

These people are trying to look after you, they probably are talking about you, it's a trade off you have to accept when people care about you.
They clearly make effort to look after you and are concerned about you, so they are trying to discuss how best to do that. They care about you and don't want a repeat performance, can't exactly moan about privacy when they fear for your life.
I think you need to either seek help if you haven't already, or grow up a bit, if you act in a way that makes them feel they need to watch over you then don't be surprised it happens, you clearly need the oversight because
A. you needed the police/ambulance
B. you are not smart enough to realise that people who care about you don't give a crap about privacy when you put your life at risk.

Your neighbour, friends and family sound like they're worried about you and not without reason. Far from losing them, you have people around who are communicating to keep you safe, not abandoning you to spiral. If you want a different kind of help and support from them, perhaps you can communicate that, so they're talking with you rather than about you. But I don't think that privacy is necessarily the best thing when you're not doing well in this way. Would you want your neighbour to leave you alone with your distress and not alert people who can potentially help?

Pp please don’t use language like ‘you need to grow up’. I know you mean well but it’s really shame inducing and that doesn’t help anyone reaching out for help, particularly if experiencing mental distress.

OP I can completely appreciate how intrusive these experiences must feel for you. If I ever argue with my husband (which happens from time to time) I always become a little self conscious about the neighbours afterwards. To think they might then contact my family, that would feel awful. It’s a perfectly normal response to feel the way you do right now.

That said, I do think they are trying to look out for you, but i can appreciate how infantilising it might feel for them to be communicating behind your back.

Now obviously I don’t know about your mental health, any diagnosis you might have or treatment you might be receiving, but I wonder if it might help for you to create your own ‘crisis plan’ which you could then share with a family member/s who can then act in your preferred way if/when the situation arises. How would you feel about talking to your neighbour? If your create your own crisis plan you could perhaps let them know so that they don’t need to be concerned if involved in the future. You could explain how important your privacy is to you. I know that perhaps sounds daunting. I wonder if an advocate or friend might be able to help you navigate through this??

Mind has some good guidance about creating a crisis plan:
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/planning-for-a-crisis/

They care about you OP. I have spoken to my best friends sister many times when she has been in crisis. She lives far away from us and sometimes we don't hear from her for days and it's concerning! Always with good intentions. I think your feelings are valid and I get that it sounds secretive, but they are just worried about you.

Thanks for the replies. It has made me see the other side better. The deleted messages upset me but they said they did it because they thought I wouldn’t want them speaking, not because of the content of them. I’m still suspicious though