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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Money Grabbing?

42 replies

UKMamacita · 09/12/2021 10:22

Hello everyone....I am after a bit of advice please. When I was 18 my grandparents had some money which they wanted my 2 cousins and I to have. They split it equally in 3 parts, and told us this was our "inheritance". As they lived abroad (I'm in the UK) and back then the money wasn't much, had converted it in GBP, my parents suggested, they would put the same amount of money I had received and we would buy a house as an investment. Being 18 and living far away from the family, I thought this would be a good investment. Fast forward 25 years, to today, and my parents have lived in the house since. I would like to point out at that they also have another house in a different country, so 2 properties in total. I've had ups and downs in my life but never asked anyone for any type of help, but it's come to the point where my husband and I would be able to buy a property if we had a little bit extra money. I would like to "cash-in" my investment but my mother isn't budging. My dad passed away last year, so she keeps bouncing between two houses (in 2 different countries) and spends the summer in Italy and goes to the other house in winter. She is 72 and keeps saying that "she'll soon settle in one house and sell the other". Do you think I'm being selfish asking her for my slice of the house? Does she really need to have 2 houses whilst she's sitting on my part of the inheritance? My cousins were able to get the inheritance straight away and bought their own homes....I on the other hand have not been able to use these money. If I speak to my mother about this she starts getting very defensive and says "It's not the right time for her to sell one of the properties", but part of me thinks she's had long enough to use them....she should be a little bit more considerate? Or am I being selfish? Also she mentioned that she would give me "the amount my grandparents gave me", but I feel that because it was an "investment" and we both put the same amount of money in, I should potentially get half of the sold price.......am I wrong? This is getting me down, because I don't feel like I'm asking too much, at the same time I don't want to cause a rift, but I feel she is being a selfish and stubborn. She also mocks me at times for not having a property and tells lies to people she knows that we have a house here in the UK. Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:

RoseJam · 09/12/2021 12:49

Before trying to force a sale, have you thought about having a rank conversation with your Mum about this?

eg Mum, as you know I own half the house in Italy. You've had 25 years of using it and I have never asked for anything during that time, and I'm happy you were able to use it. However, now, I REALLY DO NEED the money. The other cousins have already had their share. I have waited long enough. Can we agree a date when we can get the money transferred?

Then listen to her response. If she avoids it then mention something along the lines of I'm sorry you feel that way. Right now I NEED that money and I have waited long enough. I really feel I have no option but to seek legal advice and get the house sold. It would be a shame if our relationship suffered over this.

etc etc

Original poster

UKMamacita · 09/12/2021 13:17

@honeylulu

Good that you are named on the deeds. What country is that house in though. I think people reading this thread are assuming it's in the UK where there is a procedure for forcing a sale. I'm not sure how it works in other countries.

Forcing a sale would be very acrimonious. Though I agree your mother is selfish and behaving appallingly. Won't free up your share so you can buy one house, because she likes owning two! What a CF!

Sorry for not specifying...I was angry typing earlier and didn't really make myself clear. The house in question is in Czech Republic. So she likes to spend the summers in Italy (wouldn't we all?) and the winters in Czech as the house is nice and warm.

OP posts:

Original poster

UKMamacita · 09/12/2021 13:22

Thank you everyone for the feedback, it seems like most people are on the same wavelength as myself and see mother as being selfish. Gives me a lot of food for thought to be honest. I'm generally very relaxed and don't like to cause a stir, but also don't want to let anyone walk all over me, regardless of who they are. For certain it will be the guilt trip of all mothers of guilt trips!

OP posts:

Original poster

UKMamacita · 09/12/2021 13:24

@RoseJam

Before trying to force a sale, have you thought about having a rank conversation with your Mum about this?

etc etc

Thank you RoseJam, I have breached the subject several times, but she has never once budged and keeps asking me what I would do with the money....to which I obviously respond: buy a house? So she then starts saying: "It's not the right time to sell, I still want to enjoy the sea for a few more years"....and if I push all hell breaks loose and she becomes very angry. Then we don't speak for days.....until she needs help with the internet or something :)

OP posts:

SummerWhisper · 09/12/2021 13:51

She has stolen from you. There is no other way of looking at this. Because she is so utterly selfish, I would seek legal advice just in case she has left the whole house to some charity or a distant relative. Get ownership sorted legally right now. Then you can decide which route to take.

PrincessPaws · 09/12/2021 13:52

Perhaps you should start charging her rent on your half until this is sorted

CrimbleCrumble1 · 09/12/2021 13:59

I think you should either tell her calmly that you can either force a sale or she can buy you out of your half of the house or she sells up and gives you your half.
Tell her a solicitors letter will follow.

Juniper68 · 09/12/2021 14:03

UKMamacita you do know she's emotionally blackmailing you?

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/12/2021 14:05

You have lost out on YEARS of rent!!! Tell her that if she complains about anything!
You must get half the sold value of course !
Any parent who cheats you out of your inheritance and chance to buy your own house isn’t selfish they are far worse!

BlondeDogLady · 09/12/2021 14:31

Of course you get 50% of the sale proceeds, minus any legal fees. Are you saying (for eg) that she wants to do something like this :

The property was purchased for £60,000 25 years go and you put in £30,000 each. Property is now worth £200,000, and she wants you to get your original £30,000, whilst she gets £170,000? If so, that's clearly bonkers. I guess it will all come to you in the end, but maybe she will leave everything to a cats home, because, if she's horrible enough to suggest the above, I wouldn't trust her not to stiff you in her will.

Positivelypatient · 09/12/2021 14:41

Thats disgraceful behaviour from your so-called Mother. I cannot fathom a parent who wouldnt want to make their child's life easier in any way they could. I would not be tip toeing around the issue any longer. Its your inheritance she is effectively denying you.

Lana07 · 09/12/2021 22:59

I can't believe your mum is doing this to you.

My Mum would do everything for me to help me buy my own house if she could.

She should stay in Italy then as long as she can cope on her own if she likes the weather there more and if she can't cope one day, she can sell the house there and buy a flat in the UK with that money giving you a chance to buy a house in the UK now.

Hopefully, it will get resolved peacefully.

I can't imagine treating our son like this. when he is an adult

Akire · 09/12/2021 23:09

She’s going have half the sale price in her pocket that will easily pay for renting a place. She will still have option of moving every 6months or that’s what’s important to her.

Don’t worry about hurting her feelings she’s not caring about yours. She reasonable young you could have 20 more years of waiting for her to decide to sell. It’s only going get harder and harder or she may lose capacity which makes it harder again. Do it now

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 10/12/2021 02:55

It's more than reasonable to want your share back, I'd want the % you put in too, your initial investment will have gone up, so if it's 50% then I'd want 50% of the value of the house now. Tbh I'd force a sale legally? Your dm is taking the piss

Hopefullywaiting01234 · 10/12/2021 03:18

Was the house fully paid with the money you both put in? Or did the investment just cover a deposit and your mum and dad paid a mortgage?

FeckTheMagicDragon · 10/12/2021 04:33

It’s 1/2 your house. Tell her your moving in.

Double3xposure · 10/12/2021 08:40

I’m glad that you are in the deeds and yes of course she should have paid the running costs as she is getting the benefit of living there.

So it sounds like you will have no problem getting half the proceeds of the sale . The only issue is how you get her to agree to selling it.

Have you pointed out to her that once your place is sold she can buy somewhere else with her half of the proceeds?

If you do get her agreements, make sure that you jointly instruct the solicitor who deals with the sale. Do not I repeat NOT let her deal with everything and then hand you over some money at the end.

If your mother won’t agree to this then you need your own legal representation.

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