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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Snap chat" from my ex

24 replies

UsernameUnknown2022 · 08/12/2021 15:58

Hey all, would really appreciate some insight on this.

I am 25 (f) and Ex is 27 (m).

My ex and I ended it in June 2021, it was a messy breakup. The short story is that he was leaving me to get back with his ex from some years ago, understandably I was broken.

In the last couple of months, I have been working so incredibly hard on myself, and in this short time, I have made HUGE improvements. I would be lying if I said I didn't think about him every day as there is a lot to remind me of him BUT I don't miss him anymore and it feels amazing.

I don't use Snapchat often, however, I still have the app on my phone and use it from time to time with friends. For anyone unaware, Snapchat is an app in which you can instantly send pictures/messages with people who you have as a contact on the app. There is also a section in which any pictures you have taken, you can save and access through the app, these are private unless posted.

I received a notification today that "ex" had added me to the app. After thinking about it, I accepted. Shamefully, there was a part of me that wanted to hear what he had to say for himself.

He had sent me a message which read "please change it back?" I didn't know what he was talking about. So the urge took over and I asked what he meant and after a very long back and forth of him playing games he finally revealed that he meant my Snapchat password. I only changed this the other week because I had been "logged out" and to find out it was because he had been logging in to see what I have been up to for the past 6 months has really freaked me out.

He admitted he had been snooping from time to time and how he "remembers" my passwords so god knows what else he has been looking at too?.

This is coming from a man that also confirmed he is in a relationship with the ex who he left me for. It all seems very bizarre and I can't make sense of it. He told me it's good to see I am happy and better than before, I can only assume he means how broken I was after our break up.

He repeatedly apologized for his behavior for what happened during our relationship, once it had ended, and for massively overstepping personal boundaries by using my passwords.

I stuck to my guns and he tried to lure me in with some sweet talk which I said I don't want to hear. He kept telling me that "he can't help himself with how I make him feel" but at this point, I was very done with the conversation. At one point, he even tried to turn the conversation to one of a sexual nature and how he "misses" it with me.

The conversation is over now and I came away from it better than I had expected. I had anticipated pining for him again but if anything it had concreted how well I have done in the past 6 months and that it was for the very best. I am still in a little shock over the Snapchat account though, he didn't seem to realize how alarming this is. I obviously did not give him my password which he genuinely seemed let down about.

If anyone has some insight into what the hell he is playing at and his thought process behind this, it would be really appreciated.

Thank you so much.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/12/2021 16:05

He sounds very creepy
Block him on all your socials

akissbeforebed · 08/12/2021 16:08

And change ALL your passwords - who knows what else he 'remembers'

Theworldisquiethere · 08/12/2021 16:09

Block him on everything and change your passwords for absolutely everything

CloudyStorms · 08/12/2021 16:16

This is a very scary read. Block him. Keep safe

UsernameUnknown2022 · 08/12/2021 16:19

Thanks, everyone! I have changed my passwords for as much as I can think of right now but I agree, very creepy!

OP posts:
Calamitydrayne · 08/12/2021 16:21

Definitely change all your passwords for all apps. He's been stalking you.

TolkiensFallow · 08/12/2021 16:23

He’s an arsehole. You’ve had a lucky escape.

Cakequeen1988 · 08/12/2021 16:25

My ex watched me on cctv and online, after I dumped him a firmed who is much better at IT than me came over and removed him from all devices and sat with me to secure all my accounts. There is an Authenticator app that even with the password you have to add a code providing double security. I’d recommend getting it.

It’s very creepy what he has done

Block him on all social media. A list of suggested passwords you should change

Phone home screen pin
Banking
Facebook
Whatsapp
Insta
Amazon
Netflix

Anywhere your bank details are logging including phone providers, utilities that are online. Make sur she can’t access anything!!!

ravenmum · 08/12/2021 16:28

He sounds so creepy that I'd be Googling how to see if someone has put spyware on my devices. "He can't help himself with how I make him feel" - what does that mean? Maybe phone the National Stalking Helpline and see what they advise?

LadyCatStark · 08/12/2021 16:32

Jesus Christ that’s creepy. What a weirdo, and how can he not realise it’s not normal to ask you to change your password so he can keep accessing your accounts?? 😵

yourestandingonmyneck · 08/12/2021 16:32

You are well rid of him. Change ALL your passwords.

The fact that he asked you to change it back so he could continue snooping - ShockShockShockShockShock

ravenmum · 08/12/2021 16:35

He's told her about the snooping to let her know that he was watching her, as his other source of dirty thrills was cut off.

WindyWindsor · 08/12/2021 17:00

This guy is a CREEP. That is scary as hell. And well done for not letting him manipulate you. I would change all passwords to a secure one and make sure you have 2 factor authentication turned on for everything you can. Everything you can think of, Amazon, Netflix, Email, Google password, change everything.

Whatabambam · 08/12/2021 17:17

Yes, well done OP, stay strong in your growth. You no longer need to mourn the loss as you can see in full glory that he was a manipulative and deceitful man. Pity his ex who has clearly never learnt to value herself and has opted for a second go with this sleazy twat.

frozendaisy · 08/12/2021 17:28

So he doesn't finish with you until he has his ex lined up.

Then he digitally stalks you, super creepy, to the point that he asks you to change your password back.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

Hope this helps you heal completely OP he's a shady snake you had a lucky escape woman.

Have a brilliant festive season full of new unguessable passwords.

(Best present he could have given you the confirming he is logging into your private stuff)

Opaljewel · 08/12/2021 17:41

Don't forget to change your email password as well. Make sure he doesn't know your mum's net one!

CloudyStorms · 08/12/2021 17:44

@Opaljewel

Don't forget to change your email password as well. Make sure he doesn't know your mum's net one!
Yeah was going to say maybe change username?
FOJN · 08/12/2021 17:46

If anyone has some insight into what the hell he is playing at and his thought process behind this, it would be really appreciated.

I wouldn't give this a moment's thought. It doesn't matter what his motivation is. He behaved badly and has stalked you since the relationship ended. You've done well to move on, don't let this event undo the work you have done.

As tempting as it is to find out what he is up to you need to maintain your boundaries. Block him, change your passwords and don't have any further contact with him. Keep a record of the messages and be aware he may escalate the stalking now you have cut off his on line access to your life.
His behaviour is creepy, no matter how well you think you know him do not underestimate how seriously abnormal it is. Be careful about your safety.

Allsortsofroses · 08/12/2021 17:48

Feeling sorry for the ex.

He's Batshit.

Anon0707 · 08/12/2021 17:56

I don’t know if I’d be ringing the police right now and reporting this tbh, they probably won’t do anything but it’s logged.
You need to change every password. If you have an iPhone change your iCloud password
I would say contact his new gf to let her know but you’d just be opening up a can of worms I think, she’ll find out herself in the end anyway no doubt
Honestly creeped me out reading this, I hope you’re ok xx

NoodlesPoodles · 08/12/2021 17:56

This is bizarre. I honestly can't get over the fact he not only has the gall to use your passwords and has let you know what he was doing, but he then felt the need to ask you to change your password back so that he can continue to snoop on you...and he doesn't see this as particularly abnormal behaviour?!?

The day he left you was the best day of your life. Pity the woman in a relationship with this creepy twat.

HairyFanjoBanjo · 08/12/2021 22:04

He is either very emotionally immature and stupid, or a very worrying stalker creep.

You just change ALL passwords, but you also need to run spyware checks on all devices he had access to.

me4real · 08/12/2021 22:10

I hope you've blocked him on absolutely everything now. If not, please do.

TacCat49 · 08/12/2021 23:05

And you had better check your vehicle to ensure there are no tracking devices installed. You should log this complaint with the police so that they have a record of his sleazy behaviour. What a creepy sleaze. I feel very sorry for his current girlfriend. Do you think that he is doing this sleazy behaviour with her or any other female?

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