Is this normal?

[BlondieD]

Myself and my partner met a few years ago. The sex wasn't great from the get go but I never really complained. Basically he can't maintain an erection for PIV. He always had to withdraw and masturbate to cum. Not only that the frequency has dwindled right down to nothing or once a year. Is anyone else's sexlife like that? I don't have a sex life.

I'm coming to a point where I want to finish things with him but I need to pluck up the courage to break things off with him.

FGS, stop wasting your time, op. You've invested enough time already. Just end it.

I can't see that situation improving...move on

I would end this and asap. Do not feel bad about doing this. I presume you've only remained with him out of some hope that things would improve; they have not and they will not. Do not get bogged down in your sunk costs; this bad emotional investment is not going to ever come good.

That would make me soo miserable

Could he be depressed, would viagra help, could his testosterone levels be off? Maybe suggest he goes and sees a dr as it could be something that could be treated.

Oh dear.
I was in this situation with my ex a few years ago. He couldn't maintain an erection. I said we could go to his gp to ask about treatment, but he wouldn't. He suffered from copd so think this had something to do with his problem. He snored so loud as well. I said you need to get some help but he wouldn't.
We agreed that life's not all about sex and we were best friends as well as partners. I am 30s He was early 50s.
We eventually split up though because he was very controlling and kept telling me what to wear, what to eat, that I need to eat protein shakes to build up and tone up, that I should change jobs, that I need to dyee my red hair because he doesn't like gingers etc.. so I think he was trying to divert away from his problem by making out I was the one with problems instead of sorting out his.
I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I had to finish things because he was making me sad.
Think of yourself and ask if he makes you happy, if he does stay but if not think about breaking up

That's sounds awful raina glad you got away

Have you spoken to him?

This is so right, I stayed because I thought things would improve but they didn't. I felt sorry for him, but all he did was pick at me and make me feel like 😔. It eventually got worse where everything I said he contradicted and he started making me feel faulted.
If you don't love him, leave

It does not matter if you are 19 or 90 you can walk away from this frustrating relationship.
Have you suggested him going to his GP? Or commented on Viagra adverts? Or said you need more from your sex life?

I'd sit down with him, for a really good chat, discuss getting help, via gra helps but only if in the mood.
If you love him stay, if not you can walk away, for your own happiness.

@Anon0707

Could he be depressed, would viagra help, could his testosterone levels be off? Maybe suggest he goes and sees a dr as it could be something that could be treated.

Why hasn't he taken the initiative to do something about this? He clearly isn't concerned about how this is affecting the op, and she's not his fucking mum. He is responsible for getting this sorted, not her.

I did talk to him but things didn't really change. We went away on holidays together and I thought it would be some bonding time together but I was smacked in the face with the sexlessness. Since then it's just been an elephant in the room.

I swear there would be more sex and action happening in a convent.

At this stage, it is me that is depressed. Its situational depression of being with him as a couple but a sexless couple.

I would understand of our relationship was sexless based on sickness and disease like a cancer but we are still both young-ish in our 30s and somewhat healthy.

Stop. Wasting. Your. Youth.

If you've tried talking to him and nothings changed and it's causing you to become depressed you need to walk away.

I am happier without him in my life. I never broke up with someone before. How do I do it? What do I say? I'm thinking about withdrawing further into my own little world and enjoying the Christmas with my family, without him and focus on having a relaxing and hopefully a good few days off over the Christmas and working on some hobbies. Basically a Christmas on my own and not doing couple things. Withdrawing into myself and hopefully come the new yesr when I pluck up the courage to break it off with him, it shouldnt be too much of a surprise to him.

"Our relationship isn't working for me, and I'm ending it. I wish you all the best."

It's really not that hard, op. In your mind, you're making it more of a "thing" than it is. Just do it today and actually enjoy the holidays without this hanging over your head.

That sounds like you're going to go low contact which he will notice.
You're an adult so deal with it as an adult.

Just say:
'I no longer want to be in a relationship with you. Thanks for the good times'

You don't need to go into any detail or reason. People can end relationships whenever they want

I swear there would be more sex and action happening in a convent.

Lol.

I've never experienced that. I couldn't hack it.

He, perhaps, has a death grip wanking thing; wanked so much that he can't get enough feeling/the right ferling from piv sex, he has to yank it like crazy to climax. Bit that's just a theory.

Then there's the low sex drive, sexlessness.

Sounds demoralising (both of them).

I can't be doing with sexually dysfunctional men. I've been with plenty of men who are nicely functional and you don't have that awkwardness, dissatisfaction cringe etc.

You especially shouldn't have to put up with it given you sound young.

Oh and if you stayed together and wanted kids, how exactly are you going to do that.

Turkey baster?

Why? Why should you have to do that when you a young, healthy person with another young, healthy person, with no known fertility issues.

I'm 51 and I couldn't bear it, not that I have a high sex drive, but just the awkwardness of dealing with his ED, the frustration, not knowing whether to bother trying to have sex or not, knowing in advance it'll be disappointing, the gas lighting (as in raina's account, her bf with ED issues deflecting on to her) just the plain weirdness of it all.

Whatever age you are this is just too weird.

I'd say

YOu won't be shocked to know that I don't think this is working.

Good luck.

@BlondieD

I am happier without him in my life. I never broke up with someone before. How do I do it? What do I say? I'm thinking about withdrawing further into my own little world and enjoying the Christmas with my family, without him and focus on having a relaxing and hopefully a good few days off over the Christmas and working on some hobbies. Basically a Christmas on my own and not doing couple things. Withdrawing into myself and hopefully come the new yesr when I pluck up the courage to break it off with him, it shouldnt be too much of a surprise to him.

Exactly, it shouldn't be too much of a surprise to him.

I'd send the text now before Christmas, ''I don't expect you will be too shocked to read this but I would prefer to be on my own at Christmas which confirms that our relationship is over''

ps, breaking up with somebody is ALWAYS awkward. No way around that.

Yeah, it's draining.
Knowing anything sexual will be a let down, a total flop..
I agree, it's weird. We were more like friends than partners..
I wasn't with him long because it wasn't working, he wasn't shocked when I broke up with him.