Anyone else find negotiating friendships really confusing and hard?
I have always found them tricky, had problems and I am not good in groups. I see others making close friendships whereby I am friends with them but not close. Lots of effort needed on my part to maintain the friendships. I am not the one invited to places and thought of as someone they must invite.
I have accepted I will never be that popular person. I have watched the popular people and seen them work the room, seen how much effort they put into it.
I thought I had some good friends, not many but good ones rather than lots of superficial ones. I have accepted not everyone will like me etc. But recently I have began to feel these people are fair weather friends and seem to have gone off me as they have made new friends and other friendships have developed over time.
A few examples. I have had a few problems recently which I have tried to talk to people about. One friend listened but didn't once asked how things were now or check up on me. Another friend just carried on talking about her own problems when I brought it up- In fairness she is going through something much worse. Another friend was more interested in her phone and again hasn't asked about it since. Whereas another friend in the group has problems- granted a lot worse than mine- but as a group we talk about it all the time, she is listened to, offered advice and supported. However, we do a lot together and the organising of this is mutual not just one sided so they must like me.
I had a big birthday recently and another friend very kindly arranged a social event for me. But again, she's not interested in offering any support if I have a problem whereas has been extremely supportive of this other friend. We go long periods without seeing each other but she doesn't make an effort to meet up, I have tried to arrange this a couple of times and she had things on, fair enough, but didn't suggest another date. Yet, she sees this other friend and others all the time. I wonder who organises it.
I have tried to get to know another new mum through school but realised his was rather one sided so stopped. She's never reciprocated a meet up. Yet she's made a close group of friends with others who meet up regularly. They seem the popular lot. They never invite me or others for coffee and once seemed really like they didn't want me to come when this lady invited me so she hasn't again.
I just find friendships so confusing. I think someone must like me or they wouldn't do xyz but then one the other hand they don't seem bothered in other ways. I feel like after a time they go off me. I see photos of meet ups I haven't been invited to on social media and wonder how that group has been Formed and how so and so was invited. It's often "oh I mentioned it to such and such" but I am never that person someone thinks to mention it to. Or they do mention it to me and I go once, never to be invited again, yet others seem to easily inter-grate themselves into the group.
I find it so confusing as tend to over analyse it.