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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Getting over being ghosted by a good friend

10 replies

thenotsofinalcountdown · 07/12/2021 21:48

Met my friend a few years ago through a mutual friend. Really hit it off and been really close until a few months ago. Both had a lot going on in our lives and were a big support to each other, the usual kind of things friends do. But also some really good times, especially during lockdown times when couldn't always do much.

She moved house about 3 months ago, but the same area, lovely house. I moved to a different area, but had always planned to, and friend knew about this but she was really supportive. Since the move, I've not spoken to my friend and she hasn't responded to any messages or calls. I gave up trying in the end. I sent a christmas card the other day, but not expecting to get anything back.

It really hurt as she seemed to be excited for me moving as I was. It hasn't been quite as happy as I was hoping, but made worse by the fact I haven't got her support through things and also being ghosted is never a nice thing anyway. I've been seeing a therapist to help deal with things (not just this) and it is helping but I still think about my friend every day, not knowing what on earth happened. We don't do social media or anything like that so I can't just see if anything is going on, not that I think it's healthy anyway.

Has anyone else been ghosted or cut off suddenly by a good friend? How did you deal with it? I'm doing all the things they say, making a new life for myself where I've moved and getting out doing things, doing lots of positive things, seeing other friends and talking to them, having the therapy etc. But I still just miss her so much.

OP posts:
Forumqueen · 07/12/2021 21:55

Sound like something could have happened to her… .have you spoken to any of your mutual friends about her?

callygoballistic · 07/12/2021 21:57

I've had this with a couple of super super friendly people who when we aren't living in the same vicinity suddenly find me dispensable. Sorry you had this experience, op.

thenotsofinalcountdown · 07/12/2021 22:05

@Forumqueen

Sound like something could have happened to her… .have you spoken to any of your mutual friends about her?
Our mutual friend we had at the time moved overseas with her husband not long after, and we weren't very close so I haven't spoken to her in a while, things just drifted when she moved ironically! And we don't have any other mutual friends.
OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 08/12/2021 00:54

But you must know where she works or regular places she visits - could yo uvisit or phone an dask to spea to her / leave a message - if anything bad did happen at leat they may let you know, if not maybe this would prompt her to talk and explain things.

PineappleVision · 08/12/2021 04:17

Yes was ghosted many years ago. It’s very hurtful. You have to cry your way through it and move on. I still think about her sometimes. I’m still hurt. But I now believe she wasn’t worthy of my friendship or she wouldn’t have done it. The effect on me over the years is that where I have wanted to end a friendship (twice and for good reasons) I had conversations with the people and been very direct that I was ending the friendship and why. I wanted them to have their say and fully understand why we were parting company. Where friendships have naturally just drifted away, that is different.

A580Hojas · 08/12/2021 04:32

What do you honestly think has happened? You must surely have an inkling?

toastywarm · 08/12/2021 05:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TopCatsTopHat · 08/12/2021 05:21

I have had this happen, we were best friends. To this day I have no idea why (and the person in question is a relative). Her mum once suggested I should let bygones be bygones and get back in touch, but given that it was me desperately trying to be in touch when she ghosted me, I was baffled by this as at the time of that conversation I had given up attempting to be in touch and had heard nothing to suggest she'd changed her mind, I would have felt like a stalker! It killed me for the first 12 months, we'd been close since very young, then I was angry and finally decided she didn't deserve me to treat me so cruelly. It still stands as one of the most hurtful things anyone has done to me (which in a way is lucky in itself as there are worse, but my love for her was huge) , but I am over it now. I have seen her since, at funerals etc" and we can speak politely but it's like our friendship never happened which in itself is weird.

thenotsofinalcountdown · 08/12/2021 08:58

@A580Hojas

What do you honestly think has happened? You must surely have an inkling?
Thankyou for all your replies, it seems when I read other threads on here too it's actually really common which is quite sad isn't it.

But no I really don't. I moved and that was it, which I can understand has an impact on friendships but usually they just drift a bit naturally sometimes. My best friend has always lived miles away from me and it's never been an issue between us, but that works well for us. It's more just the cliff edge nature of it that's hurt me. One day we're having dinner and laughing and joking, then within a week it's like I don't exist.

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 08/12/2021 10:12

So have you called? Gone round there? Because TBH if you haven’t and it’s just that she’s not replied to messages I would be wondering if something was wrong. And if you’ve not called her rather than texting I would be wondering why and whether this really was such a good friendship?

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