Might be a long one. I’ve been seeing thing guy from tinder since October, I know not long and I’ve also changed names for this post.
We have both had a very difficult year his wife and partner of 7 years cheated on him and they split up in March. I split up with my partner of 3 years in August after having 3 back to back miscarriages all this year. In hindsight it’s been very quick for both of us given the trauma but I didn’t expect to find someone I genuinely liked so soon. Things were going really well, staying at each other’s houses 1-2 times a week, having chilled Sundays watching films going on nice dates. Having a really good connection. This weekend he came to mine at midnight on Friday (sober and planned) after being out on a day out and stayed until yesterday morning. Was even suggesting going away to Amsterdam In February. I’d been on other dates since my ex and had other guys interested but this is the first time I’ve genuinely started to catch feelings.
His divorce came through last week before we spent the weekend together and I think it stirred up the anger again towards his ex, but then at the weekend he seemed fine again until she apparently put something on social media which his friend sent him a screenshot of and that made him angry again. Up until his divorce coming through things have been great. He has said that he doesn’t feel any romantic feelings towards his ex but hates her for what she did. Which did make me worry slightly because I would prefer him to feel indifference to her.
Then today to cut a long story short he has turned round and said although the has feelings for me because of what’s happened at the weekend it has made him realise he is not ready. He gave me the whole “you deserve 100% and I’m not ready to give you that”, “if we are meant to work out once I am in a better place we can meet up again”- I said to him in response to that that I’m not going to wait around although I have feelings for him I can’t guarantee my head would be in the same place if he came back a bit down the line. I’m just so gutted because normally for me it doesn’t get this far unless it’s going to turn into something, even with my ex I didn’t feel this much of a connection at the start. Before my most recent ex I spent 4 years single meeting crappy men on tinder some of who I would date more than once but nothing where is for this far without turning into something. I’m going to phase out messaging him for now because there’s not a lot else we can say to each other. I know what I need to do which is just try and move on with my life, but I had a barrier up before which is even more so now, and I’m really gutted because I really thought it would lead somewhere with this guy. Anyone else been in this situation and how do I restore my faith in dating? Just for info I’m 29 and no living children and he’s 30 and no children either.