New friends

[Pollyrightnow]

Hi, I’m really struggling with good friends at the moment. I’ve lost 2 recently by them cutting me from our friendship group. I’m hurt and upset and scared that I’ll never have friends again. I see a few on a 1 to 1 basis but I have no group. How can I make new friends? Or get back out there to meet new people? I have a DH and 2 DS a good family but missing that friendship group x

Maybe rethink your ideas of friendship? I have lots of friends, but they're all on a one-to-one basis. I would loathe the idea of a "friendship group": it's all a bit Year 8 (though I never wanted a "friendship group" then, either). Just let people like you for who you are. How old are your children? The usual ways to make new friends would be baby/toddler groups, via school, work, hobbies (might be difficult if your children are younger), etc. But if I were you, I'd enjoy the one-to-one friendships that you have.

Thank you for your reply. You have a very good point, maybe the group thing is just not what I need in my life anymore as it was such a school playground relationship. My boys 7 and 3. My DH is a football coach for them and he said I should maybe start going with him as I could meet people there. I need to try get the group of friends I did have out of my head and move on I think

The problem with friendship groups and social circles is that good friends don’t tend to come along in a multi pack. With any friendship group there will be those with whom you genuinely click and the rest, if the truth were told, you can take or leave. It’s the same for the others…you will be gold to a handful but surplus to most. Of course everyone will pretend that they all adore one another for the sake of the group dynamic but cracks will appear, allegiances will form, resentments will bubble and sooner or later, whether it takes a couple of years or twenty, most will fracture somewhat, eventually. That’s my experience of friendship groups really.

I don’t have a group friendship going on in my life although I do go out with a couple of loose groups socially…which are made up of friends and happy acquaintances I can spend the evening with. My most valued friends are individuals…some are part of these shifting groups and some are stand alone and not related to any group.

I think I’m too old and set in my ways to break into a new friendship group now.

Yes, I hate 'friendship groups' too. (I have friends but they are from a range of things and we don't all meet as a groups.) So i would worry more about getting friends than getting 'a gang'. That means meeting people. The football idea is a good example of this and it does work - as long as you are OK standing in the rain and the cold! It is just another version of the school gate. Ditto other clubs and hobbies. But you need to want to make an effort.

@pictish yes you are right, I had this friendship group for 20+ years and I couldn’t stand the back and forth of who was favourite at the time. I have probably a hand full of good friends that are all separate so I need to concentrate on them.

@1Ta1T thank you. I feel better knowing I’m not alone with having 1 on 1 friends. I think I’m going to concentrate on the good friends I do have and just start going to things like the football and see if anything happens naturally. I might wait until the weather gets better first 🤣

That sounds like a good plan OP x