Mentally unwell friend

[jennijane1]

My friend has suffered bouts of depression for the last 20 or so years. Never sought treatment or medication (she's strongly against medication). Other friends have also suggested counselling or different lifestyle things like going for walks, actitivities, cutting out smoking and those kind of ideas. Instead, prefers to retreat and withdraw from our friendship circle, sometimes for a couple of years at a time. Then will re-establish contact.
It's been like this for years, so kind of know that when she's not in touch then she doesn't want bothering.
I messaged her a couple of weeks ago trying to arrange to see her before Christmas as want to hand over a present and catch up if she's up to it. Message read but no reply yet. I explained I've not been in touch myself with her for a while due to a family bereavement.
How hard should I "push" this friend to engage with us? Sadly in recent years, she's just become like the kind of person on our Christmas card list but who we rarely see or know much about.... Like a distance relative.
Obviously don't want to push her into meeting up if she's feeling too unwell but at what point should we back off and stop trying contact when it's not reciprocated?

I would send one more message, one that doesn’t require a reply, saying that you’re there when she’s ready to reach out to you.

I have a longstanding friend who is pretty much the same OP. I've now stopped the contact. I post cards at Christmas and birthdays to show that's she's not forgotten but don't text or call any longer as it got the stage where I felt I was being a bother to her.

Now I just wait for her to make contact which she does sporadically and we pick up where we left off before she retreats again. I know some of her family members so keep a distant eye sort of thing and check she's ok.

I used to take it very personally but have learnt to just let it go and accept that's how any friendship with her will be as that's how she is

Thanks to those of you who replied to this thread.
Still haven’t heard back from my friend (about meeting before Christmas). She knows I work, study part time and have 3 kids, so any meet up needs to be pre-arranged if we’re going to do it. She on the other hand doesn’t have any commitments (no job, studies etc. She has all the free time in the world). Silence though. Should I presume she doesn’t want to meet? I’m posting Christmas cards tomorrow, so feel inclined to just put hers in the post rather than hold on in the hope of being able to give it in person. Getting a little frustrated by trying to keep this friendship alive, feels like a lot of one-sided hard work.

I think if her health is poor (whether mental or physical) she may find it hard to plan ahead and be worried about letting you down/wasting your time when you are so busy. Do you live near her?