Am I being ridiculous?

[AlisonR1977]

I need to bounce this off strangers, not my friends & family.

So like many I've been working from home since the start of the pandemic. None of us have been in the office since early 2020, but it's worked out OK, with Zoom and Teams and the like.

But I've been talking more and more with one of my colleagues who I got along with OK back in the office. He's married, I'm living over the brush. Can't say I particularly fancied him, but I wasn't really looking with those eyes, but I had noticed him glancing in my direction a few times. Nothing creepy, just...looking.

Anyway, it's been a lot easier to talk online throughout the day, and most days we'll spend time chatting, both about work-related stuff and life in general, and I've found myself really looking forward to those chats. He's funny, smart, attentive, some common interests...nothing's happened or anything, but I don't know how I'd react if he tried it on any more.

And in the new year we're back to the office. Is this just a stupid little online thing with a man who's paying me a bit of attention??

Oh, and the christmas do is coming up. No partners and I've spent FAR too much attention on picking my outfit!!

What does "living over the brush" mean?

Yes

This has got potential mess written all over it. He's married, you're in a relationship. You work together. A work friendship is one thing, but flirting with a work colleague you fancy is unprofessional, not to mention downright disrespectful to your partners.

So yes, best to treat it like a stupid little online thing and put some boundaries in place before you go back to the office.

@Weedoogie

What does "living over the brush" mean?

It's a bit like 'living in sin'.

They're cohabiting, but not married.

I haven't heard that expression for years!

What do you want it to be? Your last comment about spending time picking your outfit suggests you’d like it to develop into something more than flirting? Is that really where you want to be headed, regardless of what he wants?

So essentially you're in a relationship but you've spotted someone you fancy.

What's the question? Are you asking us how he feels?

It feels like you want answers like 'Yes, he sounds really into you, OP, go for it!' but you're co-habiting. What is it you want to hear?

Be a better person than this, OP. It’s not rocket science.

So you fancy a guy, who’s married and even when you have a partner, and other than you overthinking a glance and a friendly chat, want it to be something else???
Don’t see here anything saying you want to split with your partner…
What do you want us to say?

Why can’t you just be friends? I don’t know his intentions, but you need to put boundaries on yours.

Playing with fire

No partners there. Alcohol. And you have been building up the flirting for 18 months.
This has car crash written all over it.
At the absolute minimum your colleagues will spot the attraction in 10 seconds, photos will get online, comments will be made etc.
You came online for advice. Here's mine. Tone down the 'outfit' and arrange for your partner to pick you up. Ask yourself, what do you think of women who target married men? You are that woman.

Just don’t do anything!! Jesus, you have to ask that?? Come on, he is married, she’s probably at home merrily planning a happy Christmas for her family and you’re picking an outfit to try and tempt him to what? shag you?? Have a sly grope?. And if he does, what does that make him (and you)? And what about your DP? Does he not deserve some respect?. Take a minute to think about someone other than yourself.