What is your definition of cheating?

[badromance59]

I asked my partner this and he said 'sleeping with someone else'
I was absolutely mortified and said what about if you are messaging someone or are emotionally involved doesn't that count?
I think connecting with anyone else in a flirty way whether in person or on text is definitely a boundary ?
What are your thoughts?

I have to agree with @Pyewackect you sound very insecure. The putting "xx" on messages is a bit much, I put that on most of my messages so does that mean I've been cheating for years? He's shown you his phone yet it's still not enough, it's almost as if you want to catch him cheating.

Men seem to think sex is cheating. I see cheating when another woman replaces you in whatever context and intention is key.

Sex can just be physical but texts, gifts, touch, fuss that's all cheating to me.

@badromance59 so you think he'd have intentionally hid it from you? If you'd have said "you're late home" he wouldn't have said "oh I popped for a drink with Lisa"?

Anything via text/online would break my heart a wee bit, but I wouldn't consider it cheating and wouldn't consider it a deal breaker. I think anyone can find an attraction somewhere and get a little bit carried away with it, but it wouldn't be until something physical actually happened that I'd call it cheating and walk away.

[quote girlmom21]@badromance59 so you think he'd have intentionally hid it from you? If you'd have said "you're late home" he wouldn't have said "oh I popped for a drink with Lisa"?
[/quote]
I feel sure he wouldn't have

I don't think I'd stay with someone who make a conscious effort to hide things from me.

It's not necessarily cheating but it's not something a loyal, committed partner would do.

As I said previously, the only way I could accept him doing it is if you massively overreact to him having female friends

@girlmom21

I don't think I'd stay with someone who make a conscious effort to hide things from me.

It's not necessarily cheating but it's not something a loyal, committed partner would do.

As I said previously, the only way I could accept him doing it is if you massively overreact to him having female friends

I concur. Doesn't sound like there's a lot of trust in your relationship, whether cheating even comes into it or not. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with no trust.

Anything that he would keep a secret from you. Lunches. Messages. Etc.

Your xx thing is ridiculous. I xx one of the school dads today when arranging a play date. I don't wanna shag him.

Anything with another person where you wouldn’t be happy for your SO to know.

Anything you wouldn't do in front of me or tell me about

I posted about this on another thread the other day. A LOT of men seem to think, if they don’t actually, physically shag someone, it’s not cheating…a grey area maybe, but not cheating. It’s an unpalatable truth, but research has shown it to be true and is why men seem to get over their partners having EAs more easily than women do. And don’t flame me, I’m only reporting research I’ve read!

IMO people are too quick to shout “emotional affair.”

If someone is texting sexual comments, sexting, talking about what they would like to do to each other if they had the chance, declaring ever lasting love etc then of course that could be deemed an emotional affair.

But having a friendship with another person of the opposite sex where you might confide in them about something? Nope sorry, I don’t agree that’s an emotional affair.

Also you expect him to tell you he’s meeting a female friend? Would you expect the same if it was a man?

I have male friends, I have one male friend in particular who comes to visit me fairly regularly because we’ve been friends for decades and that’s just how it is. And usually my partner isn’t here because we don’t live together and he’s not local. But I wouldn’t shag this friend if you paid me, I have no physical attraction to him what so ever. If my partner accused me of having an emotional affair with him on the basis I dare to communicate with him and put xx on my texts it would be the partner I got rid of.

Also, and I’ve asked this before, if communication between people of the opposite sex equals cheating, what happens if you’re homosexual or bisexual? If gay are you only allowed friends of the opposite sex? And if bi are you not allowed friends?

For me cheating involves anything relating to sex, so be that physical intimacy, or talk of physical intimacy.

My definition is doing anything behind your spouse’s back with another person that you wouldn’t do in front of them

So kissing, fondling, soppy messages, flirty knee touches…

I would consider the following cheating

Any sexual contact
Kissing
Meeting up or trying to with other women in secret
Texting/chatting with other women in secret
Being on dating apps
Chatting someone up
Cam sites etc where there’s communication
I’d consider certain types of porn as cheating too if it was for example viewing /interacting with one specific person

@SW1amp

My definition is doing anything behind your spouse’s back with another person that you wouldn’t do in front of them

So kissing, fondling, soppy messages, flirty knee touches…

Actually this pretty much sums it up for me

Anything involving another person that you deliberately hide from your partner

This ^^

@Aposterhasnoname

Anything involving another person that you deliberately hide from your partner.

Yep, this.

@GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow

Anything that's hidden, if you're not happy to share an interaction with another person and start to hide it. That's cheating

This, obviously.

If you hide it from your partner its deceitful and disloyal, isn't it.

I ended it with an ex that I was in a relationship for 3 years because he was having an EA. I know it didn't get physical because they lived 1000s of miles apart but they exchanged almost a 1000 messages a month and spent hours a day talking to each other (we didn't live together). I know this because we shared a phone bill (that I paid). I gave him another chance but one day, a couple of weeks later when I asked if he contacted her he looked guilty and that was it. I knew I could never trust him again. I didn't need him to be physically with her, he was emotionally with her, more so than with me so I knew it was over.

"Just he'd suggested to meet a female (old colleague) for a drink after work this wasn't mentioned to me and also arranging to meet another ex colleague round at her house for coffee whilst her kid was in school, this was during his working day and I had never heard of this person*

I bet you've never met either of this women. Sorry OP but alarm bells are ringing for me.

I woukd be more worried about him meeting up with women you don't know behind your back than how many kisses are on a message.

I smell a rat.

When he was asking to see these two women do you think he would have cheated if he had the opportunity?? What stopped him ?
Just tell him in