Advice on DM

[DMAdvice]

Morning,

I’m needing a bit of advice regarding my DM.
I will add a little background first about my DM.
She had a dysfunctional upbringing, her mother was neglectful and had severe mental health problems and a father who was absent (never home and was an alcoholic) she was in and out of foster homes as a child, she was also sexually abused as a child by one of her foster fathers.
She is a very vulnerable and gullible person and also has mental health issues herself, so I don’t think she always thinks rationally.

She has met a man who lives 4 hours away, she has never met him in person but they have spoken for about 6 months on the phone. She told me recently he is moving in with her just before Christmas. I am concerned about this, she tells me she is really happy and that I should be happy for her and he’s a good man, she told me she gets lonely and doesn’t want to miss a chance of happiness.
The problem is when they first started talking he told her he had a house and he was a doctor and when he moves down to be with her they would buy a house and open a clinic, as the months went by he told her that he had actually been struck of the medical register, he had to change his name, he lost his money and his house due to a case regarding a patient, I do not believe any of this is true because he had actually said the case happened over a year ago, so he genuinely lied about being a practising doctor and owning his own house when they first spoke.
I have tried my best to talk to her, so she can see the risks involved but to no avail, so is there anything else I can do?

Thanks

There is nothing else you can do.

I would protect your own self here; you cannot help anyone who does not want to be helped.

Sadly we read about this type of thing happening from time to time in the media. I would be so shocked if my mum was brainwashed into letting a total stranger move in with her. I suppose it's not even a video phone call? How can she possibly know he is a good man? His story is already unravelling. Please check with the fraud department (I think it's called Action Fraud) and ask for their advice as you have real cause for concern due to your mum's vulnerabilities and mental health issues. She has not even met him so he could literally be any one. Once he is in her house, it would be so much more difficult to remove him than to prevent him moving there in the first place.

It's really difficult trying to help someone who refuses to be helped. They carry on merrily and you're the one who worries and tries to deal with the stress of it all. Sometimes pulling back is the only way to deal with the weight of worrying about something you can't change. 💐

That is kind of what I’m thinking, I can only do so much. I am just worried about something happening to her, she is vulnerable and with her mental health condition, I don’t think she’s thinking rationally at all. She has no idea who this man actually really is and if the name he goes by isn’t his actual name, then what is his real name and why is he hiding this.

It's hard. You feel like you're cutting them loose and leaving them to an unknown fate. But for your own sanity, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

@DMAdvice

That is kind of what I’m thinking, I can only do so much. I am just worried about something happening to her, she is vulnerable and with her mental health condition, I don’t think she’s thinking rationally at all. She has no idea who this man actually really is and if the name he goes by isn’t his actual name, then what is his real name and why is he hiding this.

You have a phone number and a name as a start. There's really only Action Fraud and then police if some crime has been committed, heaven forbid. That's why it is so easy for scammers to do what they do AND GET AWAY with it. She's not the only one targeted I bet. I would check if she has sent him any money. If she lives in her own home, it's much more difficult to protect in the sense if she willingly let him move in but if she's in LA housing, they would have authority on who lives in their properties I would hope but I have no idea.