Jealous (and scared?)

[Fbreeze11]

Me and a close friend (both 36 in the same month) found ourselves single after horrific relationships ending. Mine ended a year ago and hers ended in August this year.

We met last night for drinks and she told me that she’d met someone at work, they’d had a brief affair since October and now they were together out in the open (he wasn’t married). She’s said they’ve talked about having kids etc and they’re just going to go for it all now.

My friend is amazing and I am genuinely happy for her. But there’s this other layer of me that feels sick/fearful with jealousy. I’m left behind. I feel it’s unfair she’s walked into this after I’ve been online dating for a year and had many situations but no relationship from it.

I hate feeling like this and just want to feel happy for her. I feel very alone. I am now literally the only person I have in my friendship group that is single. It’s so lonely. Not sure why I’m posting really, just feel awful.

Your friend is going to try and have a baby with a philander that she has been with for 8 weeks

I get what you’re saying, but there is nothing about this situation

Nothing enviable*

I wouldn't feel jealous. She's had an affair and it will probably end in tears....

She only had an affair for a few weeks/a month. I think his relationship was already over by the sounds of it.

I dont know the specifics but they seem very happy and Im sat in my house feeling like I’m never going to be in that place. Ive spent a year dating.

It’s not easy being single when you don’t want to be, but dating is what you need to be doing.

Talking about kids after a couple of months with a person who’s only just left a relationship sounds frankly bonkers… I suspect a crash and burn is coming.

Just keep at it

I'm sorry OP. Been where you are and it's entirely normal and reasonable to feel like you do. It's harder when you're in the same boat and then it's just you. Feels very lonely and like you've been abandoned...and there is that feeling of 'but what if I never meet someone!' panic.

That said, you and your friend are on different paths and without knowing full details, it does sound like you're taking the necessary time to process your relationship and its breakdown, and to work on yourself? Agree with PPs it sounds like your friend is rushing it...sounds cynical but I'd be amazed if it lasted tbh. Keep going on the path you're on and you will meet someone when YOU are ready to.

I'm sorry you're feeling 'left behind' Op, but to me it foes sound very rushed what your friend is doing, I'd be surprised if it lasted...

How important is having children to you? Have you thought about freezing your eggs?
Would you consider having a child by yourself if you didn't meet someone by a certain date? There is this assumption that we will all meet someone in the nick of time, or when 'it's right' whatever that means, but sometimes it doesn't come together for whatever reason.

I'm a single mother by choice and have recently given birth to my baby boy! I was in that dreaded age range 36-38 where I'd tried to meet someone in order to settle down, but despite many dates including a 'situanship' of two years, none of it worked out and time was running out. Of course plenty of people settle as they cannot bear being alone/ don't want to miss out on motherhood, but wouldn't admit to this in RL ...

Has he got any single mates?

You never know!

They only started their affair in October. So a few weeks ago? Anything could happen. They could split up next week or next month or next year. The rushing to talk about children doesn't bode well.

That won't change your situation though. Try not to compare with others - it's not helpful and there will be times when you are in a happier position than them and vice versa. That's life.