Did you wait until your children were older to find a new relationship?

[thefourgp]

My ex has very little involvement with the kids. He only sees them for a few hours every second Saturday - during the day at his parents home with his mum picking them up and dropping them off. This will not change. After years I’ve given up trying to make him be a good dad.

I’m really struggling to find a new relationship and it’s largely because I just don’t have much time to myself. I don’t understand people who can date without introducing their kids until months down the line - how do they manage it? Do people just introduce their kids sooner than is made out on here? I’ve been online dating on and off for appx 2 years now. My mum watches the kids over night once or twice a month when I have nights out with friends.

Anyway, I’m seriously thinking about just giving up on dating until my kids are older (both primary school age at the moment) and I wanted to hear from others who’ve done this. I’m pretty content with the rest of my life and I’m okay with being single but I do miss having sex and having an adult to watch adult tv with etc.

Did you regret it? Did you find someone when your kids were in their older teens?

I'm waiting. These days it's men who age faster than women IMO. I'll always be young at heart.

I have a 5 year old

It is difficult for me to imagine having time to meet someone - usually in my time off (every other weekend), I have to catch up on chores and friendships.

I'm also a solo mum by choice, 49 and twins of 9. I have dated throughout their lives, one relationship lasted three years. Been single for last 4 years and mainly because of covid I haven't dated or been out nearly as much. I've also had covid twice and am just knackered so no energy for anything!!
Having said that, I am definitely still interested in sex and meeting someone ideally a single dad who enjoys the same stuff as me. I.have not lost hope but covid has made things much harder I think.

I came to the conclusion at the age of 44 that relationships are totally overrated, men are annoying most of the time and as I can take or leave sex, I didn’t feel the need to bother. I’m not sure why people rush into them anyway after what was probably a shit marriage experience before.

Give me a dog any day. Loyal, loving and totally reliable. I’m 50 now, kids older and I love my life. I won’t be going down that route again.

The end of my marriage was shit, but I didn't go into it thinking it was awful, obviously ... and if it had all been shit, then I'd probably be hoping it was better second time round. I didn't rush into another relationship - we don't plan to live together - but it's nice to have a partner to go out with, and I like sex. I love my dog too, but a man can be left on his own for much longer without soiling the carpet.

OP, if babysitters are not an option, another idea might be to try to find some other single mum friends with children yours could eventually do sleepovers with? Bit of a stretch, I know.

I was back dating at 45, and I can't say it has been that hard finding single men, though, as a lot of marriages end then.

I have a 6 year old and 10 year old and have been seeing someone for about 16 months now. Kids go to their dad's EOW and one night a week so for the first 8 months that's when we saw each other. We then slowly introduced him to the kids and he can pop in some evenings or at the weekend but he doesn't stay over why I have the kids as I'm taking it very slowly. So far, it's going really well and the children really like him. But .. it helps I wasn't looking for anything and that he is a friend's brother so I already knew of him and know his family well.
Being honest, he'd like things too faster but he respects and understands my choices.
My ex on the other hand moved his new girlfriend in after she met the kids once and he'd only known her 3 months... 😤

My children are in their lates teens. I met my boyfriend at age 51. I suspect had my marriage ended when the children were younger, it might have been more difficult to find the time to date. It helps that my ex has our children at his house EOW and once a week. My boyfriend lives 3 hours driving distance away but it works, we just have to plan ahead.

I dated when my DS was very young (split with ex when he was a baby). I was early 30s and knew I'd like to have a sibling for DS and ex was very involved so I had time for it. I think if I'd had 2 DC and not much childcare, I'd have done things differently - maybe had an occasional FWB type relationship! I did have a couple of flings on OLD while DS was little (and always kept totally away from him obviously!).

I'm 58 and at 55 met a fabulous man who is 5 years older than me and very sexy!!! He's 63 Tomorrow and I still fancy him as much as I did. I was widowed and my kids were in their 20s and had left home when I started dating again. You can still have a relationship when You're older without as many things to think about with children. Not that you forget them but they have lives of their own.

I met my partner 2 months after separating from my ex-husband. The kids were with their dad every other weekend so we had proper dates/sleepovers then, but he used to sneak over after their 8.30 bedtime three or four evenings a week and we'd watched TV or a film together etc as the kids never wake up once asleep.

They knew I was dating him, but only met him after 3 months - we knew it was very serious early on. Luckily, he used to be a deputy headteacher so was fantastic with them and, 3 years on, he is a second (& some would argue, better) dad to them and they love him.

I have a 13 year old and absolutely wouldn't dream of a serious relationship until she's older. I have seen people in the meanwhile, but with a max of one overnight a week.

I don't think its offensive to point out that menopause often leads to a decrease in libido - particularly as women's testosterone lowers. I felt this way myself until my HRT was sorted.

I have teens and it's easier to date as you don't need babysitters so can go out (pretty) spontaneously or go out at night (when most people aren't working)

Luckily my dd was great friends with the neighbors children and she spent lots of time over at their house on the weekends. It allowed me to date when she was young. That family was a god send as I couldn't imagine not dating/being in a relationship for almost 18 years (I raised her mainly alone). But once she hit about 13 she was fine being at home in the evenings while I went out on date and luckily she stayed with her father over the summers so it gave me time to do more dating.

I’m 42 and couldn’t be less interested in sex now my hormones have started to change. So the pp who said that isn’t necessarily ageist, it’s something to be aware of!

I didn't wait, but we only saw each other once a week on a Sunday afternoon for the first 6 months. Ex then found out and stopped taking the kids, so I gradually introduced DP and 4 years on, he stays at weekends.

Still have fond memories of those Sunday afternoons 😁