Am I wrong or is he?

[Workinghardeveryday]

I really need some advice as I feel very confused about a situation that has unfolded in the last couple of weeks.
My dp, dtwins 10, dd15 and myself always (pre Covid) go to mil on Boxing Day from lunchtime until late.
Dp and dtwins recently had Covid so have some short lived immunity (dp not vaccinated).
I received a txt from mil about 2 weeks ago saying as Covid has been through our house now are we happy to go for Boxing Day? (I am CEV and triple jabbed but chances are vaccine won’t give much cover because of my immune system so we haven’t mixed with anyone, dp works outside alone. Mil and sil who would be there are antivaxxers).
I replied saying I would discuss with dp that night and get him to give her a call, and the usual nice txt conversation.
I discussed with dp he said if I wasn’t going (which I really don’t feel comfortable doing as the take no Covid precautions, think it’s all a load of rubbish) then he wasn’t going either. I said he should go with the twins, dd15 has plans with my ex husband that day. I said he should see his mum and family over Xmas and I didn’t mind at all, I would just do housework and things. After a lot of persuasion he agreed to go for a couple of hours. He knew he needed to ring his mum but didn’t bother.
Roll on a week and I bumped into mil and sil who were very off with me. I was really friendly as always and they were very cold. Mil said it was a shame we weren’t going for Boxing Day very abruptly. I was shocked that dp hadn’t rung her, I apologised and said I would get dp to ring that night and it was really bad of him not to ring her. It was very awkward and I carried on my way.
Rang dp explained what happened, he was sorry his family had been so rude especially since I was doing a selfless act for her happiness. He rang her and explained all firmly.
I decided to ring her myself the next day, she was still very cold with me and clearly not happy. I explained exactly what had happened and the conversation myself and dp had had. Her mood changed, she dropped some lovely advent calendars around that night and was herself again. I decided to let the whole thing go as I saw this as a sort of apology.
Anyway yesterday I saw a message on dps phone from her sent straight after the time I bumped into her, it more or less said I refused to tell her if we were going on Boxing Day or not!!! That never happened. I was fuming when I read it.
Just by chance it was a family members bday yesterday so dp and twins went around (because I said they should go) for cake etc. I honestly thought dp would mention it discreetly to mil but he didn’t.
I don’t even understand how I feel other than let down by dp, I think he should have said something, instead he sat having a lovely time eating cake while I was stuck here cleaning all day. It’s almost like he has taken their side or something.
He isn’t at all close to any of his family, rarely ever sees them, they don’t bother with kids or anything either.
I am so pissed off about it all. Dp and I have had big fall out yesterday and again today, he is being very cold towards me. Apologised half heartedly last night but like I say, very cold, no cuddle nothing.
Am I out of order?

He’s wrong for lying to you and putting you in a situation where it appeared to his family that you were being unreasonable. He owes you an apology and to tell his family that that wasn’t what you said.

I think that him “having a lovely time eating cake while I was stuck here cleaning all day” is irrelevant detail. If you’ve indicated that you don’t want to socialise but are content for him to (as would seem to be the case by telling him to take the children to see in laws on Boxing Day) then he’s allowed to have a lovely time eating cake, and you can choose whether to also eat cake at home or do the cleaning.

There’s a lot of mixed messaging going on on all sides, and you and he need to get your communication straight. If your reason for now going in Boxing Day is that you’re worried they don’t take precautions and you are too vulnerable, then that needs to be your joint message to family. He and the children going, who are just as able to pick up Covid and bring it home to you, whilst you stay at home, makes little sense.

*not

I don't really understand why you won't go round there Boxing Day if you are happy for your kids and partner to mix with them and then come home to you. Your DP isn't vaccinated so you're no worse off going round there than you are living with him. Unless of course, you don't want to go round there and are using Covid as an excuse?

Honestly, life goes on. You can't spend the rest of your days not mixing with anyone. If you would usually go round there then just carry on as normal.

Thank you both. The only reason i feel it’s okay for them to go is because a couple of weeks ago they had Covid so they can’t catch again so quickly can they?!!

He is being awful, I just feel like it’s so unfair.

I do agree that he should be able to go happily and eat cake etc, it was that suggested he went, I am just hurt he didn’t say anything while he was there. I feel really let down. And now he is being really awful

I think you can catch Covid again quickly, especially if you haven't been vaccinated, a few people I knew in 2020 before vaccinations caught it again a few months apart. If you're very worried about catching Covid what about the fact he's unvaccinated? Hes a risk everytime he goes out not just on Boxing day with his family?

I don't get it. Your husband isn't vaccinated like the rest of his family and you are happy for him and the kids to go anyway? They are just as likely to get it and give it to you as if you went too. I don't really understand the mental gymnastics behind this.

I think you are being petty and ridiculous. Your partner is unvax.

Anyone in your household mixing with them, is the same as you mixing with them.

When we had covid. The first person in our house that tested positive was my 7 month old. She does the least amount of mixing.

I’m not sure your DH mentioning the text at someone’s birthday was appropriate, especially as since then you have resolved the situation

I think you should all go on Boxing Day and you could've just told his mom when you saw her that they were all going.

I don't see why you wouldn't go if your DP is unvaccinated or if you're happy to go out and about, like you did when you bumped into MIL and SIL.

Thank you all. The only reason I am happy with them mixing is because they had Covid 2 weeks ago. Surely they couldn’t catch it again so quickly?

I would love to go. Christmas is always a massive stress getting all the presents right etc. Boxing Day was always ‘my day off’. I just don’t feel comfortable going.

You are spending a lot of your time with a bloke who hasn't bothered getting the jabs, so...

It’s almost like he has taken their side or something.

Well judging by his actions he feels the same as they do about the vaccine.

He does!!! I cannot tell you the amount of arguments it has caused!!

@girlmom21 I go for a walk about 3 times a week for about half an hour when I am not working. That is it

Families are tricky things, none more so than mums and sons.
My oh lets his mum get away with murder but does so because he doesn't see them often so there is no real reason to rock the boat. I expect your dh husband is just trying to not rock the boat. By not saying anything doesn't mean he doesn't believe you or take your side. As long as hes saying the right things to you. As hard as it is just ignore her xxx