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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable no. 362?

20 replies

harman · 15/11/2004 09:40

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

anorak · 15/11/2004 09:44

Surely it all depends on whether she is going to treat you like a human being? If she is just going to coo over the baby and ignore you then why should you let her see him? It will be far too upsetting for you and you have enough on your plate right now. I'd be more inclined to allow her to see him if I had received a phone call or letter apologising for being such an unsupportive judgmental cow.

pinkroses · 15/11/2004 09:59

You have split from your partner, so you don't have to put up with his family anymore.

Tell them to b*gger off!!! What a cheek!!

Loobie · 15/11/2004 10:00

I totally agree with pinkroses tell her to take a hike.

Original poster

harman · 15/11/2004 12:33

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 13:03

Message deleted

wobblyknicks · 15/11/2004 13:29

But W&R, am I correct in what I've been told that its extremely hard for grandparents to 'win' that sort of thing - due to the legal costs, the mothers feelings being paramount and only usually awarded if the child has previously had a lot of time with the grandparents, the mother is unfit and/or the mother agrees? I may be totally wrong but this is what I've gleaned so far. I'm interested too because my (ex)MIL has been making noises to her friends about how much she loves dd, how much she wants to see her etc - even though she's an evil cow to me - so this may raise its head in the future.

lou33 · 15/11/2004 13:48

does that apply to grandparents of unmarried couples as well wiggy?

MummyToSteven · 15/11/2004 13:51

agree with anorak that you have far too much to deal with now to be magnanimous to someone who has treated you so badly in the past. does his mum show any interest in your other kids at all? if not, and she just likes billing and cooing over cute little babies, then she should definitely take a hike!

WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 13:57

Message deleted

lou33 · 15/11/2004 14:06

thanks, that's interesting.

WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 14:08

Message deleted

lou33 · 15/11/2004 14:20

thanks, It's not for me, but for someone i know.

Freckle · 15/11/2004 14:45

Does she care enough to fund a legal case? Probably not, if she's been so awful to you. I would just ignore any such requests and then see what happens. If she issues proceedings, go and see a family lawyer. Bearing in mind your financial situation, I would expect you to be eligible for legal aid.

Keep detailed notes of any and all contact between grandma and you (whether it's via anyone else or not) since you left ex p. If this is the first time she's shown any interest in any of the children, then it would seem she's not really interested in anything other than causing you grief.

bettyboopadoop · 15/11/2004 15:53

I'd like to see a grandparent win rights to a child when so many fathers have no rights.....isn't the law funny!!

Do you know, it came into affect a year or so ago that if a couple are not married when a child is born, the father has no rights over the child. Such a strange law, but it came into affect after that case where tow fathers ordered their ex-partners to have the children get the mmr.

Freckle · 15/11/2004 16:41

That's not strictly true. Unmarried fathers do not automatically have parental responsibility. However, they can acquire it by (a) being present when the child is registered and having their name on the birth certificate, (b) by subsequently marrying the mother, (c) by agreement in writing with the mother and (d) by court order.

BadHair · 15/11/2004 17:31

Dp's name is on both dses birth certs and both registrars said that he'd still have no parental rights over them.

Harman, I hate to say this, but as much as your MIL is a cow, she is still your child's grandmother and will probably be upset that she can't see him. Just because she's a witch to you doesn't mean that she's going to be horrible to him, and it sounds like you only won't let her see him out of revenge.

Imagine how you would feel if in 20 years time your son had a child with a woman who didn't like you, and wouldn't let you see your own grandchild.

Freckle · 15/11/2004 17:41

The law changed last year and any father who registers or re-registers his child after 1st December 2003 with the his name on the certificate will automatically acquire parental responsibility.

WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 19:17

Message deleted

Freckle · 15/11/2004 20:17

It would have to be with consent as I believe only a married father can register a child without the mother being present.

WideWebWitch · 15/11/2004 21:35

Oh tell her to eff off Harman! Unless she really, genuinely wants to help and love your children and be a permanent, useful and loving part of your life. Will read what everyone else said now!

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