I miss him

[Heroic]

My husband and I have separated due to toxicity.

More ups than downs but the downs have been bad.

Is it a bad thing that I miss him?

It's normal that you miss him. He's your husband so you would have spent a lot of time
together, memories etc. When you build an attachment to someone, have feelings, spend your day to day life together, are intimate ...it's completely normal if you miss him. But that doesn't mean you should accept of go back to a toxic relationship. That's for you to decide whether your issues are resolvable or not. Whether it's worth it or not.

I've been separated for a year now and in the process of a divorce. We have a little baby who he sees regularly which means I have to see him too. That makes it hard to move on from someone because you have so much regular contact. Off course I miss him. Everyday in all the big and little moment. I miss simple things like holding his hand or cuddling in bed. But is it worth what he put me through this last year? No. The heartbreak is way too much and like you said the the downs were very bad. Not something I could move on from.

It's natural. You'll miss the good parts, and be glad to be free of the bad parts.

None of your emotions are bad, ever. Not one. Every emotion you feel needs respect and careful consideration. It is a manifestation of your nature, and to think it is 'bad' is to think that part of your nature is 'bad'. Allow yourself your feelings, even if they seem inappropriate or nasty or any other negative thing.

It's your responses you need to be choosing carefully. So, in this instance, feel the feeling of missing him, but choose to respond in a way that doesn't involve contacting him. Recognise that you are hurting, and do something lovely for yourself that will help you feel better, or distract you. Self soothe.

Totally get it. You feel it so it is is valid.
Sadness is a thing -we should not try to airbrush it.

I've just left my controlling H. He's put me though hell the last few weeks so right now I don't miss him but I will. I'll grieve for my marriage once this hurt I'm feeling now stops.

We had some good time, some lovely memories - it wasn't all bad. I wouldn't of married him if it was.

But the fact remains he has still hurt me and broken me massively. I will never be going back because I will never be able to get over what he's done.

@MrsJackWhicher Thank you. I thought i could switch my feelings off. But cannot. It help keeping myself busy though

It is so hard when you are used to a smell, the warmth, laughter. My bed is so empty....

I dare not say anything as I feel that I will be rejected.

I am three years on and still miss my husband quite often. I have to remind myself that the bad bits were bad enough to justify leaving, but the good bits are still a huge loss. It’s not really something people talk about.

@Bettybantz And this is what makes me feel sad. As I have parents are separated and I absolutely loved each other. They still would, however my father passed away sadly. I would not want to be in the same situation second-guessing or even entertaining anyone in my life in the future that is not my husband. Im really reflecting and feeling low