need help

[Candycone]

hi,

I have been with my partner the last 8 years, since I was 18. I have 2 kids with him, 2 year old and a 3 month old.

he is so so depressing. literally, everything is controlled by his moods. his biggest trigger is money. it is all he ever talks about. however, when I suggest anything to help he doesnt what to do it or tells me I'm deluded. he complains that he cant always work in the winter because it gets too cold (he works outside) but when I suggest looking elsewhere he says he wont work in a shop etc. he complains about the winters every year but wont do anything about it. he evens says when you get paid universal credits are you going to reimburse me the money I've given you out of my wages if I have a bad month. he is very much a my money/your money person. he sulks all the time too. his latest one is he isnt coming to my mums on Christmas day. not sure why that is even a relevant thing to his mood today.

I find myself constantly tredding on egg shells. I'm just not happy. but I'm panicking because should I just stay for the kids sake.

if I do leave, I dont know where I would live. I have the kids, one is very vulnerable because he is on oxygen atm due to being born premature. I just dont know what to do. I cant afford to live in our current house on my own. help!

He’s not just moody, he’s abusive. Sulking behaviour is an example of emotional abuse. What sort of man too demands money from his partner when she is in receipt of UC?. All he cares about is his own self and money. This is no partnership nor loving relationship , you are two individuals in a relationship that should now be at an end. The only good to have come out of this are your two children.

I would urge you to contact Women’s Aid and plan your exit from this abusive man. Do not stay with him for the sake of the children, they will end up learning really damaging lessons about relationships and if you’re being abused, they are too. Treading on eggshells is code to my mind for living in fear.

What is the situation re the property and finances?. More detail given on this would be helpful.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. Teach your children that most important lesson about relationships going forward. You have a choice re this man, they do not. Make better choices for you and them.

he has gotten considerably worse this year. name calling etc. and mood swings.

we are private renting atm, tenancy does not end until April.

everything is dictated by his moods. it can change whether a day is going to be good or bad.

I just dont know where to go.

Your children will be better off if you leave ASAP- I know because my dad was like this. As they get older they will be more aware of his moods, too. Being around this can damage a child for life.

Are you also named on the tenancy agreement?.

If you can go into a branch of Boots and ask for ANI the staff will direct you to a consultation room where you can access domestic violence support services.

I'm looking at my options. I dont want my kids growing up around someone so negative. he loves his kids but he comes first always.

everyone else thinks hes wonderful because he does stuff with the kids but they dont realise the terrible moods that come with him.

I dont want my kids growing up around someone so negative. he loves his kids but he comes first always

It's good to hear you're looking at your options. I was going to post that it doesn't make sense to stay for the kids' sake; you're simply teaching them that this is what an adult relationship looks like. It's not good for them, and it looks like you've realised that. I was the kid in this relationship and I wish my Mum had been brave enough to leave.

it's like this morning, as soon as he gets up he is complaining.

about how our toddler woke him up during the night. then I start hearing slamming about and shouts of where the fuck are my keys!!! and immediately I could feel my heart hammering. I dont think I'm going to be able to do anything whilst my 3 month old is on home oxygen :(

Ok take a deep breath, April isn't that long away, look at your options.

First do you know how long baby will need oxygen for?
Could you move to your mum's whilst you find your feet.

You are still very young. You can do this.

Look at your options.

Take it one step at a time.

Ignore as much as you can moody pants.

It can seem overwhelming when you're the sole stabiliser in a family to do anything other than maintain this.
But.... you can do this.
One step at a time.

The first thing to do is to find out what's needed for your oxygen dependent little one,your health visitor can probably help here,whether for direct advice and support or to gain this for you. Once you've gained this information you'll have a clearer picture of what your next step needs to be,ie; what suitable accommodation looks like and then finding this.

Keep your eye on the goal @Candycone,one step everyday is one step closer.

We've got you

Check out the website entitledto for what you might get when single. Call women's aid. You dont have to up and leave today. Think about it, fantasize, get some knowledge together so when your baby is stronger you are in a position to move forward. It took me more than 6 months to leave my ex.

I will look on entitled to. I just feel like me and the kids deserve better. he lies to me about money too. he wouldn't buy the shopping last night (long story but my card got stolen so my click and collect order couldnt be verified) he said he didnt have the 60 pound. I've just found out his brother gave him 200 pound on the weekend.

little things like that, he would rather me be in a bad position then himself with money.