"Little mannerisms" get on my nerves

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Imagine your partner said this to you, to excuse their snappy behaviour. Then could not quantify what the "little mannerisms" were. How would you tackle that?

It's gaslighting, so I'd leave. I'm sure this isn't an isolated event of not accepting responsibility for their own behaviour.

You mean, you’re apparently doing something that annoys them, but when asked, they’re completely unable to describe the ‘mannerisms’ in question?

@Negligee

You mean, you’re apparently doing something that annoys them, but when asked, they’re completely unable to describe the ‘mannerisms’ in question?

That's about it!

Well, tell him you’ll consider what you’re doing to annoy when he uses his words and tells you specifically what it is? Otherwise, if it’s bothering him that much, but he’s somehow unable to verbalise any of what it is, you’ll just conclude he’s inventing the ‘mannerisms’ to legitimise his motiveless snappy behaviour.

@TheFoundations

It's gaslighting, so I'd leave. I'm sure this isn't an isolated event of not accepting responsibility for their own behaviour.

Gaslighting, yes I really don't understand what the point or aim of it is!

I really don't understand what the point or aim of it is

And nor will you ever, if you're a decent, respectful person. Whether you understand his actions or not isn't the point. How his actions make you feel is what's important.

How do you feel, generally, in the relationship? Loved? Supported? Understood? Wanted? If not, why do you stay?

I would think he had gone off me. When people's harmless behaviour suddenly irritates us to the point of snapping, its usually manifestation of a deeper negativity towards them. Unless its a sudden new habit they've developed, but then they'd presumably just say.

Why waste your time with someone who gets annoyed by you just for being you? He's a rude, insensitive areshole and clearly 1) Does not love or respect you 2) Is not attracted to you/does not click with you.

If I could turn back time, I would have dumped my ex at the nearest opportunity over this sort of BS.

My ex told me he hated the way I yawned. It was just a little dig to put me back in my place. It's a really shit thing to say. Our mannerisms are a part of who we are and often difficult to change. Being a dickhead is a choice though.