Autistic. Can’t read social cues - help!!!

[Geeksquad]

Hi! So this is what happened 2 months ago:
Please bear with me, I have autism and find it hard to read social behaviour, particularly when it’s romantically driven (emotion based). I’ve always found a colleague attractive but am so unsure if it’s reciprocated. I went to an event he was at last night and he spent the whole night chatting to me and when he was on stage, he kept looking at smiling at me. We chatted and laughed lots about work stuff and at the end he insisted on walking me to a taxi. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He messaged me to see if I’d got home ok. During the night, he was complimentary of how young I look for my age, laughed at my shit jokes and said in meetings, we ought to have our own alternate chat going on on the side to identify the bull shit. Now, my question is, is this him liking me as a mate(great!) or liking me as something more (also great!). My anxiety is such that I can’t just ask him, but equally, I can’t guess whether he does or not as I struggle with social cues. Thanks!

Update: We’ve got a work function this week - just 5 of us. It’s a small team and I’m new to it. I asked him via WhatsApp if people are going out for drinks after the meal (at 5pm so early doors) and he said ‘I am and that’s all that matters.’ He then qualified it with the others live far away and they do. What do you make of this? Can’t read it!

Sounds like he likes you to me !
Looks like it will be drinks for just you and him after the meal. I’d hope he’ll make a move then, so you’ll know.

This seems like he'd definitely like to get to know you better. He clearly enjoys your company and I'd say that he's taking steps towards having a relationship with you.

The fact that he seeks you out and that he's planning to continue the night out with you when the rest have gone home makes me think this.

He sounds nice and it seems like you have a good relationship. Good luck! This looks promising to me.

The right person for you will communicate with you clearly in a way that you do understand. You don't have to 'read the secret code' of their behaviour, because it won't seem like a secret to you.

Perhaps this guy will ask you out, and that would make it clear. Perhaps you will ask him, and he'll tell you. If you're not understanding cues (I don't either) then if you're going to have a relationship with someone, they need to be someone you're comfortable to ask for clarity.

There is often a period of 'not knowing' when 2 people first like each other. You're both feeling your way. Start thinking about compatibility, rather than your failure to read cues. It's not all about you. Healthy communication, regardless of differing needs, comes from both people actively wanting the other to understand. You need to learn to speak each other's language and that takes a bit of time. Otherwise you'll be popping onto MN to ask what he meant all the time, even if you get together!

That makes a lot of sense @TheFoundations. I think we’re in that early stage of not knowing what each other are thinking. The autism just compounds my ability to reason through it all. 😂

Definitely likes you.

It's easy to say 'I don't know what's going on, and that's because I have autism' but in reality, nobody knows what's going on for a bit at the start of a relationship. 'Does he like me or not??' isn't just for people with a diagnosis, and nobody on the internet will be able to give you an answer to your question because 'He said this and I said that' doesn't catch any of the nuances. You will still have a better idea than us, because you were there, even if you don't have as much idea as some other people might have.

Follow your feelings. Be you. You don't have to ask him if he 'likes' you, or ask him for a date. But if you think he'd be good for you and make you happy, your natural behaviour will encourage him. You will instinctively move towards him (physically and emotionally) and he will do the same, and at some point, you'll get so near that your lips will touch!

All you can do is welcome him. It's not a puzzle where you have to work out the clues. It's a nice guy who likes you. Enjoy being liked, wait to see where this progresses, and just keep in the back of your mind that if he just wants to be friends, you can actually handle that and your world won't drop to bits. That'll help your anxiety.

I’m so excited!!!!

@Geeksquad

I’m so excited!!!!

It's lovely isn't it!

I met someone recently too, and I'm similar to you. Everything seems so clear and well expressed and understandable to me right now, and for as long as it feels like this, I will stay in the relationship. If I start feeling like I don't know what's happening or I'm not able to ask for more clarity, I will re-think.

If he's putting a smile on your face, spend lots of time with him. Follow your feelings, rather than focussing on 'reading things well'. It all happens naturally, when it's right. You don't have to worry yourself about figuring it out.

Enjoy yourself, and good luck!

"It's easy to say 'I don't know what's going on, and that's because I have autism' but in reality, nobody knows what's going on for a bit at the start of a relationship. 'Does he like me or not??' isn't just for people with a diagnosis". Yes, this.

When I was dating dh, a friend asked how it was going and I got a little upset because I liked dh but it was early days and I felt very vulnerable. My friend was so kind, he said he remembered how uncomfortable that part of a relationship can be, when it's still tentative but you have strong feelings. I don't think there's a way to get past it without going through it OP.

It's easy to say 'I don't know what's going on, and that's because I have autism' but in reality, nobody knows what's going on for a bit at the start of a relationship. 'Does he like me or not??' isn't just for people with a diagnosis, and nobody on the internet will be able to give you an answer to your question because 'He said this and I said that' doesn't catch any of the nuances.

Was just about to say this! It’s painfully awkward for most people and it’s so hard to tell. That’s why it’s so nerve wracking asking people out - if we knew who liked us or didn’t it would be an easy game.

Just play it by ear and see what happens really. It sounds like he could like you!