Long distance relationships

[blubberball]

Is any one else in a long distance relationship? I have been since 2019. We were supposed to move in together next year, but we're now not going to because my 13yo ds doesn't want to move far away from his family and friends. My bf then said that it's definitely not happening 100%, not for 10 years until my dc are older and finished school. It's probably best for all of us logically, but of course logic goes out of the window when you're in love. Nothing about this relationship makes sense except that we love each other.
I was in an abusive relationship since I was a teenager up to my 30s, so living on my own as an adult for the first time for the past few years. I have been enjoying being out of a controlling relationship, but I can struggle on my own.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a rambling mess, but if you're in a long distance relationship, how is that going? How does it work, and what are your future plans? Thanks

You are right to prioritise your DC

But he sounds dreadfully bossy. How come he's calling all the shots, and why can't he move?

I think he's just setting boundaries for himself. The situation is pretty complicated in that I have disabilities, and my younger son has disabilities too. He has behavioural issues and struggles at school as it is.

I live in a small rented house in the south east. It's very expensive to move here and crowded. I don't actually like living here at all any more, even though I've lived here my whole life. The traffic gets me down a lot. Can't leave my drive way without sitting in a traffic jam.
He owns a larger property in a nice little town further north. I genuinely love it there. He set up 2 bedrooms for my dc, and we were staying up there over the summer to see how they liked it and to acclimatise. They loved it and had a good time.

But their biological father still lives in the south east, and I don't think that he liked the idea of us moving at all. He sees them every other weekend, which wouldn't have changed. But I think that he got in their heads and turned them off the idea.

Like I said, it's all very complicated.

Your set-up is far more complicated than mine, so I'm not sure how much my experiences will help.

It's only been a very short time, too, not years as it has been for you. For the moment, it works well - for me, because I've been in a bunch of abusive relationships and need the space I currently have to reset and, in many ways, find myself. For him it works because he hasn't had a relationship in a fair few years and is getting used to being in one again. We text lots and make a point out of having a daily phone call, which bridges the gaps in between seeing each other and we share the travel burden.

As for future plans, he is completely fine with me calling the shots on that. He is childless, I am not and I have made it very clear that I am not uprooting my children's social circles and school lives to move to the North. So I will continue saving up for a deposit, buy a house in my area and then he can move in. By which time my eldest will nearly have finished education and will be looking to move out, so that should work well time-wise.

He is in a sought-after job, so will not have an issue finding work where I live. That, too, helps.

OP, your partner's boundaries would worry me. He has taken you on with a child and it sounds like he is childless, so he should accommodate you and not the other way around. That he is not happy with you putting your child first is a bit of a warning sign.

My bf then said that it's definitely not happening 100%, not for 10 years

How did this make you feel?

He's happy with me putting my dc first. It made me feel very sad.