Some advice needed on a bad split and houses....No children involved

[spikeycat]

Need some advice for my brother. His wife (of a year!) told him at the start of the year that she wanted a divorce - it was out of the blue and a total surprise to him. She has always had a problem with doing everything in excess, spends too much, drinks farrrrrrrrrrrr too much, smokes too much etc. It is not the first time that they split up but the first since they married.
When they met he had his own house with masses of equity in it, he paid off a substaitial amount of her debt and then she split up with him. Got her self in debt again and went back to him. She wanted to get married and move to put the past behind them (or maybe to get on the mortgage?) and so they did, a year later she wants a divorce and half the house (which she has never paid in to).
This has been going on since the beginning of the year, he moved out as she kept threatening to bash her head against a wall and call the police to tell them he had asaulted her. The house just won't sell (I don't think she is helping that as she doesn't want to move out until feb) and my brother is as close to the edge as I have ever seen.
He has dropped the price of the house to 20K under the asking price to try and get it to sell but still no joy - she has told the estate agent all about the divorce and my bro thinks she may have got them on side in order to stay put - has anyone got any advice, the way things are going I can see him trying to do something v silly.....

does she work? if she hasn't contributed to the mortgage then surely she has no claim? unless she has been a housewife to him, has he spoken to a solicitor?

she does work yea, and her contribution is buying the food shopping (mmmm!) - yes, he has spoken to a solicitor and they will get their decree absolute in a metter of weeks. Its the finances that won't be settled.
He is in the position of either give her a settlement that she doesn't really have any entitlement too or drag it out and fight, and he really isn't strong enough,

Well, she sounds enchanting! I think he has a stark choice, fight or cave in. She sounds so unreasonable I don't think there is a middle way. He could instruct his own estate agent I suppose, but I doubt she'd be cooperative over viewings. What does his solicitor advise?

To move back in to put her under presure, which he has done, but I have had him in floods this am and have told him he needs some stability, he can not keep living like a nomad going from place to place and feeling like a spare part and that he is to come and live here with me until he is stronger.

I phoned one of those we gaurentee we will buy your house people in desperation this morning and found that they want £500 up front for an external survey, the then offer you 10% under the value that the "independant" (yes - right!) surveyer gives them!

spikeycat - I don't know much about this subject, but I wanted to give you some support. Your brother is so lucky to have you supporting him. I'd find out more about his solicitor if you don't already and his/her reputation and experience. If possible could you go to the next meeting with him? You could write down some questions and write down the answers. These, of course, would be discussed with your brother beforehand. I would imagine that the solicitor should give a reasonable indication of what your brother could expect based on the finances, length of marriage, etc. I think all too often one partner takes huge advantage of the other because of the good nature of the other person. If she was financially unsound before the marriage and there aren't kids involved, then shouldn't he keep most of what he'd built up before the marriage? It would seem really unfair if not. It is a very short marriage, too. Does the Citizens Advice Bureau have any advice or the local library? I don't know if any of this helps you. Take care.

tbh with the house not selling atm and him not having much fight in him by the sounds of it, he might be better off settling and buying her out, assuming he can afford to. If she still has debts she may welcome the cash to pay them off and start anew. Eventually, if he can hang on to the house long enough, he may realise more than its current value.

Perhaps they could "agree" to a figure based upon a share of whatever the current market value is (having to reduce the asking price atm might work in his favour here), less costs to sell, less any capital he specifically put in (might have to prove this) and less the mortgage (assuming he will take this over himself if currently in joint names, might be worth a chat woth the lender to see what costs are involved as he might be able to have those taken into consideration).

It may not seem very fair, especially given her efforts to blackmail him and accumulate debts etc) but sometimes you have to cut your losses in order to move on.

Have been through that lizs, but she has said that she wants X, this will leave him with about 20K, when she got with him he had a 145,000 house with a 40k mortgage, so you can see how much she has spunked off him in the last few years.
She has said catagorically (SP) that she will not take less, even if it means they both have nothing, as she has run up debts AGAIN!!

what a cow ! Obviously it has gone beyond any sense of reason. In that case I think he (and you,if you feel up to supporting him) need to go back to the solicitor, or a more specialist divorce lawyer, and get really sound advice. Take as much evidence as you can regarding his financial status before the marriage and her debts plus any payments he has made on her behalf. Also perhaps he should log her attemtps to thwart selling the house and the threats she has made. Unfortuantely having to go through all the legal processes is going to cost too, and not just financially .

You sound like a really caring sister. Wishing you both luck.

have made him get all his bank statement for the last 8 years and have marked all the payments etc that he has made and these are with his solicitor. But he just doesn't want to be nasty (he is still in love with her) - I have told him to go after her pension, shares ISAs and investments but he doesn't want to - I'm pretty sure she would back off then huh!

spikeycat - I'm with you on him sticking up for himself. The way that I see it, he is too close and hurt by it all to stick up for himself atm. If he could see that he won't be in a relationship with her in the future and why should she benefit so much from all his hard work (the house he bought and the cash reserve he'd built up that went to pay off her debt) when all she has done is treat him badly and expect a nice pay-off! Grrrr. Can he hand responsibility for the tough decisions to someone he really trusts (like you, perhaps) and who he knows will be part of his life forever and who loves him unconditionally? My one experience of this was being the tough talking friend to a girl in a similar situation. It was a long time ago, but I think us showing that we weren't going to back down helped her to lose less than she would have done. He just wanted her money and that was a very short marriage, too, and he had a big debt that she didn't know about until they were almost married. He even said that he should have waited until her parents had died before allowing the marriage to fall apart so that he could get her share of the inheritance! But that's another story. Anyway.....hth.

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