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Original poster

Confused…

10 replies

Missisip · 05/12/2021 02:14

I had a male Best friend from the age of 12.
We were only ever just friends until our 20s when we’d get drunk and fool around, we never went ‘all the way’ but close.
We remained friends and met our partners.
He was getting married to his fiancée and I was marrying mine.

I’d not seen him for a couple of years then he visitors with his fiancée of 3 yrs.
He split up with his fiancée shortly after.
I invited him to my wedding and he said he was coming and that he’d get the train up a couple of days before and stay local.
On the day he said he was getting the train, I didn’t hear from him, I tried calling to find out what time he wanted collecting from the station but couldn’t reach him. I was worried something had happened to him.
I eventually got in touch with his sister and strangely, she said ‘sorry but he won’t be coming to the wedding’.
I tried calling him and texting him to find out what was wrong and he never answered.
I got married without my best friend there and I was a bit upset.
I spoke to his mum and she was cagey about what was going on and she said ‘ just enjoy your marriage’.
I didn’t hear from my friend for months and it started to drive me mad. I just wanted an explanation why he’d let me down after being my best friend for 25 yrs.
When he eventually messaged me, it was a simple sorry but I can’t talk about it.
He still hasn’t explained 2 yrs later and I’ve not seen him.
I don’t know why but lately, he’s been on my mind more and I’ve been having dreams about being with him.
I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m unhappy in my marriage.
I think there are a lot of unresolved issues but he won’t talk.

I don’t even know if we are actually friends any more.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2021 02:18

I'm sorry, op, that sounds very hurtful. I'm thinking his feelings for you might be far beyond friendship, and watching you get married was more than he could handle. It's a shame he wasn't able to discuss his reasons for ghosting you like he has, but I would leave him alone, personally. Some friendships just end.

Momijin · 05/12/2021 03:22

Look you didn't get together when you could so stop poking something that could complicate everything.

MyOtherProfile · 05/12/2021 03:26

You've got to put this aside and focus on your husband. It looks like you're hoping we will say well he's clearly in love with you and couldn't bear to see you marry someone else. Maybe it is that, maybe something totally different. Whatever, it didn't work out and you're with someone else now.

GoodnightGrandma · 05/12/2021 07:10

You need to leave this in the past, stop picking at it.

Sorchamarie · 05/12/2021 07:41

Are you sure your husband wasn't jealous and scared him off? Although it's unlikely he'd cover up for your husband, if that's the case.

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 07:47

I don’t even know if we are actually friends any more

Do you not feel you have any say in this yourself? He's essentially dropped you like a hot brick with no explanation or any apparent concern for your feelings. For an extended period of time. At the point of an important event in your life, when he knew it would really hurt you.

What does someone have to do for you to decide you're not friends any more?

Original poster
Missisip · 05/12/2021 11:44

@Sorchamarie

Are you sure your husband wasn't jealous and scared him off? Although it's unlikely he'd cover up for your husband, if that's the case.
Actually no, DH was friendly with him and they got on fine.
OP posts:
Original poster
Missisip · 05/12/2021 11:45

@TheFoundations

I don’t even know if we are actually friends any more

Do you not feel you have any say in this yourself? He's essentially dropped you like a hot brick with no explanation or any apparent concern for your feelings. For an extended period of time. At the point of an important event in your life, when he knew it would really hurt you.

What does someone have to do for you to decide you're not friends any more?

Because he still messages me to ask how I am yet hasn’t explained what happened so wonder if we can still be friends with so much unresolved stuff.
OP posts:
TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 12:35

so wonder if we can still be friends with so much unresolved stuff

It's not a thing to wonder, it's a thing for you to decide. It's a yes or no question, not a 'I wonder how much the universe allows a person to leave unresolved problems before their friends start to leave them..?'

Do you want to be friends with someone who treats you this way?

Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken · 05/12/2021 13:04

You can only be friends on a very superficial level if he refuses to talk to you about why he didnt come.Maybe text and ask him why he is still contacting you after letting you down and refusing to explain why.Only you can decide if you want to answer his pointless messages.I would think its better just to move on and forge your own life with your husband and make new friends.No point wondering too much,you are giving him too much power,forget him,cut contact.

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