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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relationship on the rocks@!

14 replies

Leaweb1 · 05/12/2021 00:16

Hey girls! Just a quick question I really dont know what to do anymore me and my partner are not getting on we been together 6 years have a child age 3 and I have a son age 10 prev partener.
Since I've had my implant I have been all over the place finding sex repulsive but he dont understand and makes me feel guilty into doing stuff.
So now I've had implant out I feel ok ish but I've found him paying to watch women online for months behind my back saying how pretty she is most beautiful smile would pay more to see more , it makes me feel worthless and if I didn't catch him out he still would be at it and then blames it on me that it's my fault he does that because I wont give him what he needs. I don't know what to do hes 48 I'm 30 and sick of his crap with girls online or porn. Advice please xx

OP posts:

Namenic · 05/12/2021 01:49

I would leave him. 1) you are taking the burden of contraception and having side effects and he is unappreciative 2) he paid for cam girl and is not apologetic and blames you instead.

Original poster

Leaweb1 · 05/12/2021 09:34

Yes your right there. But I feel it's so hard to leave when I have a child with him I start worrying where would I live and stuff because he would literally kick me out on my arse.
Numerous times I've caught him watching porn and hes said sorry he wont do it again and then he does this he just makes me feel so degraded.
At the moment he hassent evan had the decency to talk to me face to face about it hes stayed in diffrent room to me and our child and texting me hes messed up and sorry but how many times do I have to hear sorry just feel so low and fed up.

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 14:48

makes me feel guilty into doing stuff

Sex stuff? Is he guilting you into sex?

Monalotmoore · 05/12/2021 14:53

I'm amazed how many people think a man should be grateful to be in a sexless relationship then wonder why they look elsewhere.

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 15:03

@Monalotmoore

I'm amazed how many people think a man should be grateful to be in a sexless relationship then wonder why they look elsewhere.

So what's your advice to OP?

Monalotmoore · 05/12/2021 15:07

Well they're obviously not compatible.

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 15:07

@Monalotmoore

Well they're obviously not compatible.

So what's your advice to OP?

Namenic · 05/12/2021 16:54

@Monalotmoore - he should be grateful his partner is trying out different contraceptive options (some of which have an effect on her sex drive).

OP - get prepared financially - do you work? Do you have family support? I would not want my child to grow up with such a bad example of a father/partner.

Original poster

Leaweb1 · 05/12/2021 19:01

I wouldn't say hes foursing me but he gets annoyed if I dont do it or he wont talk to me tidy or he will get upset and then start being sarky saying I'm getting it else where.. , I dont work at the moment.

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 19:57

So you have sex with him to stop him being unpleasant to you?

Original poster

Leaweb1 · 05/12/2021 20:08

I have done yes but not all the time... I know it's so wrong but I cant deal with the arguments why indent have sex .. he always thinks the worst that I'm upto something when I'm the most loyalist person hes had.

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 20:32

You need to start preparing to leave. His criticisms of you are nothing to do with your behaviour. You could be an actual angel and wait on his every whim, and he'd still find ways to make you feel like shit, because that's what he wants. He wants you surpressed, so that you'll do what he wants. It's revolting. He's abusing you, and you have to take responsibility for getting yourself out of there, because he's never going to make it easy for you.

Have you ever contacted Women's Aid? They will have seen many many people in your situation, and they'll be able to give you some guidance and support around getting out.

MizzFizz · 05/12/2021 20:38

Start looking for a job, OP, and get your affairs in order to leave. This is an abusive relationship.

Original poster

Leaweb1 · 06/12/2021 08:24

That's the thing I do wait on him he has everything done for him and yet because he works and I dont at the moment as I lost my job he says that's what I should be doing he dont lift a finger in the house 1 bit.
He works he says so he dont have to do anything.. I dont know if its the age gap either as I've just turned 30 and hes 48 hes always been abit controlling in his ways and has done stuff in the past which ice give him chance after chance for and he says he will stop it all and change but never actually does , he has a life goes to work comes home put his feet up he goes fishing sees his mates I literally have the kids 24/7 I dont have any friends just family I suffer from depression and anxiety so that dont help either.
No havent spoken to womens aid never thought of that to be honest because I always keep thinking he will change. He also knew in my past relationship that i got beaten by ex partner and promised to look after me hes not the type to do that but hey ho. I must be stupid!

OP posts:

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