Do you always know for sure your doing right thing when leaving?

[useranon12]

I am planning to break up with my partner of 10 years, we have two young children together and many happy memories . I feel he doesn't do his share of parenting house work duties , occasionally maybe often speaks to me like crap, I don't think I am attracted to him anymore never want sex , something in my gut tells me that we are not meant to be , I can't see myself wanting to marry him .
Life can be good together though I seem to be happy enough when things are going well but still all the above is still there.

The prospect of splitting has got very serious now after having a talk with my partner he sick of me threatening to leave after arguments ( arguments become I'm not happy with his behaviour ) so he agreed that we should break up and agrees kids are main priority. He said he still loves me.
I'm lost in my head now I wish I had a crystal ball which would tell me if I would be happier on my own. Am I giving up on a good relationship or do I need to go and hope one day I feel fully happy in my relationship. I feel like it's such a massive step as my life is set up here with the kids and I'm scared ill be lonely and sad on my own . I think what I'm asking is do you always know for sure when you decide to leave? Is it worth stepping out of a comfortable life to find true love? Do you look at your partner and think I truly love you or is there lots of things wrong with your relationship and thats just normal 😔

I don’t think it’s worth stepping out to find true love, that might never happen and what is “true love” anyway? Presumably at one point you thought he was your true love, but times and people change.

It absolutely is worth stepping out of a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs and can’t be fixed, either because you or he doesn’t want to fix it or there are issues that simply can’t be resolved.

Step out of the relationship for yourself, and your kids, to give yourself the chance to understand what you want in a relationship and to have the opportunity to find that if you want. Step out of a relationship that feels disrespectful so you can regain respect for yourself. Once you’re out of the relationship you can work on being happy for yourself and your kids, a new partner may or may not be part of that. Being responsible for your own happiness is a huge step, but vital.

I feel he doesn't do his share of parenting house work duties , occasionally maybe often speaks to me like crap, I don't think I am attracted to him anymore never want sex , something in my gut tells me that we are not meant to be , I can't see myself wanting to marry him .
he sick of me threatening to leave after arguments ( arguments become I'm not happy with his behaviour )

How is this a "good relationship" ? You have good memories in the past, sure, but that is not the same as having a good relationship in the present.

It is normal to feel scared about change and to grieve the end of something that was once good. That doesn't mean you should stay in a dysfunctional situation to avoid experiencing those temporary difficult emotions. (Because if nothing else, threatening to leave on a regular basis and as a way to try and change his behaviour is dysfunctional and a poor example to your children).

Even women leaving extremely violent and abusive relationships have mixed emotions and grieve afterwards. It is part of being a normal human.

I always say you stay until you can't.

I left and don't regret it, but it's been hard and I'd say leave to be happier alone, not to find someone else.

Thank you for taking time to reply I appreciate it!

I think I will be happier in long run I want to be in love with my partner and look at home like what a great man , I do sort of want to free too . But then I think am I throwing away a good thing I just don't know . We have decided to be civil , we are acting like friends but keeping apart in house at the minute. It will be me moving so I wouldn't be putting plans into motion until after Xmas anyway as I couldn't move now with the kids.
We were all going out for meal with my fam Xmas but now we are just spending morning together with kids and then me and kids will go off for meal. He has plenty family he can go for dinner with he'll be OK. I think my plan is to take each day as it comes and this time leading to Xmas I I be sure that I do want to leave. I'm getting used to being on my own abit and planning fun days with kids without him so I can try get used to it . I'm hoping in this time I have I can come feel better and strong enough to actually go and be happier . I don't think I am truly happy in this relationship . It's been about two weeks of awkwardness and a bad atmosphere in house now it feels abit better as we have talked and said no.more funnyness to each other let's just be civil. I haven't missed him in the two weeks though I don't feel like want him to come put his arms around me and say let's work it out, maybe that tells me what I need to do!