Not sure what answers I'm looking to get from this but just wanted to write it all down so it sticks in my mind.
In July my (ex) boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me out the blue. We met at uni and are both now 24. He broke up with me over the phone (we live 4 hours away from each other) and then we met up to talk it through a week later. To say I was depressed is an understatement (look at previous threads). I am still feeling the effects of these past few months and I'm still on antidepressants which I started taking in August.
I've drunk text him twice but the last time I made sure I deleted his number so I would never do it again. I've been trying to get on with my life and he then drunk texts me last week. He said "he sees I've been living the high life - wining and dining and mingling with celebrities and going to posh black tie dinners." He said if he wanted anyone it would be me, trying to reassure me he hasn't been getting with anyone else, saying why haven't I text him, saying he wants to meet up with me when I'm next in London. I did stupidly meet up with him a month after he broke up with me and slept with him.
Suddenly today I had the realisation of how badly he treated me:
- He would constantly patronise / belittle me. He would correct the way I'd speak (for example if I said would of instead of would have). When I met up with him he literally corrected the first thing I said. If I said the sky was blue he'd say no it's green. He would embarrass me too. We were once out with his mum and step dad at this posh restaurant and the waiter asked his mum if she would like to taste the wine. I said to the waiter I didn't need to taste it too. My ex laughs at me - apparently only one person tastes the wine to check it tastes okay?? Generally he made me feel really unintelligent and like he was better than me.
- Gas lighting me. When we met up he said that I was the one that wanted to meet up when he knew it was him. I asked him what his mum thought of us meeting up and he said he couldn't remember. He also told me not to go study abroad at university (basically said he would break up with me if I did) and he is now saying he did not say that. Also a few years ago he said he wanted to go to Asia and just before we broke up I said oh I'd like to go to Asia and he said why would you want to go there for.
- Made me feel guilty about asking what we were gong to do in the future like with living together etc because we were long distance. He never had an answer but just said he just plods through life and everything works out. I said no you have to plan some things as things don't just happen. Clearly he put some thought into life when he broke up with me! Also he got annoyed at me for asking if/when we were going on holiday as he didn't know if he definitely could because of work.
- When he met up with me he told me he had lied throughout the entirety of our relationship that he didn't do drugs at festivals. He did them at every festival apparently and "everyone does it" as he told me. Belittling me again. He also told some white lies after we broke up like saying he did not go out the first night he broke up with me but he did.
- Never organised to meet me or do anything. When I had covid and was out of isolation he was saying I shouldn't come down to see him even though when he had covid he went out to see his family straight after the 10 days. Hypocritical.
Finally, the fact I didn't even realise he so badly wanted to go travelling or work abroad (reasons for breaking up apparently). He didn't really ever discuss it with me before he blind sighted me.
No wonder I felt so insecure about myself. When someone makes you feel that small all the time, of course you're going to need constant reassurance from them. Not that it's all his fault - I obviously have my own issues too.
Suddenly he wants to know me when he thinks I'm living the high life. It says a lot about him if he thinks going to 2 black tie events is the "high life." I'm definitely not fully over him and every day is different but I think I'm finally starting to get him off the high pedestal I've put him on.
He is a narcissist and he needs someone on his narcissistic level. I think I'm too much of a nice person, and quite the opposite of a narcissist actually.
I completed neglected myself for him and maybe that's why it's a good thing he did this.