HELP! I fancy my boss & I'm married

[PinkiePonk]

Please no judgement, I feel very guilty about this!

I've been married 3 years and I've never fancied anyone other than my husband.

BUT recently, I've developed an overwhelming crush on my boss. I cannot stop thinking about him. He is a lot older than I am, single, with 3 kids. The way he is, views the world and how much he loves his kids is why I find him so attractive! (I must add that I would NEVER physically act on this crush)

I feel like this has happened because my marriage is in pieces. My husband has anger and MH issues and has done since our daughter arrived. It's been really difficult keeping it together with sleep deprivation & looking after both my daughter and husband.

Please help me - any advice would be very welcome ☺️
Has anyone ever fancied someone other than their partner?
How did you manage it?

It’s perfectly normal to develop a crush on/become attracted to someone, regardless of the state of your marriage. I had it with a colleague years ago, and realised it was mutual, but we were (and are) both happily married, so we just ignored it and it went away. Now it strikes me as mildly funny if I think about it. We’re still friends, though I moved countries.

So I don’t think your crush is significant, or anything to worry about. Your husband, however, needs to get help for his MH issues and deal with his anger problems. Do you feel you are at risk? Is your child?

It's normal to have a crush on someone you work with (and as pp said, regardless of the state of your marriage). It's a fantasy though - don't allow it to interfere with your real life.

Fancying someone else isn't a problem, I assume everyone does it. Just don't act on it.

Your problem is your husband. I'm all for supporting partners with MH issues BUT he shouldn't be taking any anger out on you, you shouldn't ever be in a position where you're frightened of his anger, and he should be seeking urgent help and professional support if that's the case.

Ahhh thank you for all your replies ☺️ I feel a bit better knowing it's not just me! I will be leaving the job soon and starting a new job next year so I'm hoping the distance will help me stop thinking about him so much!!!!

My husband is having counselling / medication to try help but it's a slow process. I'm not in danger but thank you for all your concern, I appreciate it.

It's just a work crush. Helps the day go faster and it usually wears off.

@Whataday21

It's just a work crush. Helps the day go faster and it usually wears off.

Thank you!! It does help the day go faster 🙈 it'll wear off when I leave for my new job I'm sure!

I had this a long time ago. He was a colleague though, not my boss. And he was single when I was married. We had what I thought was a harmless flirtation going which built up to us arranging to out for drinks one night after work. Luckily I caught hold of myself before then and cancelled the drinks which I realised in time could easily have ended in us crossing the line. Soon after that I found out I was pregnant and sharing that news poured cold water on the flirtation.

@CouldThisReallyBe

I had this a long time ago. He was a colleague though, not my boss. And he was single when I was married. We had what I thought was a harmless flirtation going which built up to us arranging to out for drinks one night after work. Luckily I caught hold of myself before then and cancelled the drinks which I realised in time could easily have ended in us crossing the line. Soon after that I found out I was pregnant and sharing that news poured cold water on the flirtation.

Congratulations on your pregnancy/baby/child? Not sure how long ago this was for you! ☺️

I'm almost 100% sure the crush isn't mutual anyway on his part. Which I guess will make it easier to get over, eventually!