Domestic violence, suicide threats

[Bluewinterrose]

Trigger; Talk of suicide

Somebody very close to me is in a DV relationship. No physical violence towards her at the moment. He is threatening suicide if she leaves. She recently had one night away staying with family and he self harmed and didn’t attempt to treat or cover his wound. He says she is all he has but treats her terribly. They are in their very early 20’s. All of the professional advice says she should leave anyway. She is too scared to leave. I will be forever grateful for any advice or personal experience with this. Please scroll on if this is too upsetting. Thank you

Threatening suicide is a very common tactic of perpetrators. It shouldn't stop her from leaving. If she is really worried he is going to harm himself she can call 999 and let them deal with him. She should seek advice from Women's Aid on planning to leave safely though. Leaving can be a dangerous time. Perpetrators can escalate when they realise they are losing control.

Leave leave leave. She is not responsible for his choices.

I think that the police can do welfare checks too. A couple of police visits and the threats would stop if this is just a control tactic. She should leave, she's not responsible for his mental health.

She should leave. If he self harms or threatens suicide she should call an ambulance for him but she shouldn’t go back.

Threatening suicide makes her at higher risk of violence from him when she leaves, it’s one of the questions on the DV risk assessment. So she needs to bear that in mind and leave safely.

My ex did this. I know he won't though but I'm in my 30s and have had years of living with him to know he doesn't love anyone as much as himself so he won't kill himself.

I left in May and every so often when he feels he isn't getting enough attention he will contact someone close to me to tell them he tried to kill himself and he has bruises all over him or something. He hasn't. The first few times I got friends of his to check him and he was so angry I didn't go myself.
Its an awful manipulation tactic.

She needs to grab her stuff and just leave but it's so hard. Move the important documents and very sentimental things first to a safe place.
Womans aid were fantastic they helped me see him for what he is.

I feel for her. But things won't get better infant if she threatens to leave and doesn't they will get worse as he will see it as him winning.
If she doesn't have kids with him she really needs to leave now. Pregnancy can be a huge control tactic too.
I really hope she is OK.

Does he have any engagement with MH services? I'd work with Women's aid to make a safety plan. If she's worried that it doesn't count as abuse because it's not been physical it absolutely is. I went to women's aid having not been hit and they completely understood how emotional abuse and threats were all consuming. If she does plan to leave she can call the police and ask them to do a welfare check. If they have any joint friends she could ask that someone be with him as she leaves. I'd also suggest she seeks therapy to help her through this very difficult transition and provide an independent view of the situation.

My ex would threaten suicide a lot over inconsequential things and then make himself deliberately unavailable. It was incredibly stressful and then he convinced me that they only reason he stayed with me was because the thought I might kill myself. It was an awful mess. I started therapy by myself and eventually realised it wasn't my job to make him happy and I would never be healthy if I stayed with him. It took me another 6 months to leave.

If he makes a serious attempt it would absolutely not be her fault. I know that's hard to believe but we all have agency and that means making our own decisions.