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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He wanted time to think. Would you give up now?

18 replies

Ratuomslf · 03/12/2021 06:08

Thought this man was the love of my life. After a year or so his dad became very very unwell and there was two weeks of immense stress. When I brought up moving in next year he said he couldn’t think of that right now he was too stressed with life and work and maybe he needed time to think.

I know reading this it sounds like he’s not arsed about us and maybe he isn’t but right before all these life stresses happened as were very happy. He was saying I was the love of his life and talking about the future.

After a couple of arguments as I had no idea what was going on, I said I was going to step back and get on with my own life and he said he needed to reflect on things. I was very upset and said I didn’t want to do this but I would leave him to it. It’s been a couple of months and I’ve not heard from him since. We were so in love I don’t understand if. I’m reluctant to message him as I was clear I didn’t want anything to end. I hope deep down I will hear from him though. Is that silly? Nothing like this has happened before in any relationship.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ratuomslf · 03/12/2021 06:09

His dad recovered …i didn’t randomly bring up moving in at an inappropriate time!

OP posts:

updownroundandround · 03/12/2021 06:13

After 2 months, I'd assume he's quit the 'relationship' tbh.

If he cared, then he'd have been in contact.

If he's waiting for you to make contact, then he's just a game playing asshole, who want you to run after him.

Neither scenario includes a 'happy ever after' for you, so move on.

beastlyslumber · 03/12/2021 06:16

He's not interested. He broke up with you. Sorry OP. I think you had a lucky escape tbh - the love bombing at the start was a bad sign, and then him suddenly ditching you. You were right to walk away.

Original poster

Ratuomslf · 03/12/2021 06:25

Just so sad about it. He was a bit tricky, not at all experienced with relationships which I found hard. But I did love him, ultimately, and I’d have loved to have made it work.

It’s hard for me to understand how we went from that to this. He seemed sincere but it’s now nearly two months so he can’t have been

OP posts:

GoodnightGrandma · 03/12/2021 06:28

If he’d wanted to be in touch he would have been.
Some people say whatever they think they need to to keep the sex/relationship going.
Move on 💐

beastlyslumber · 03/12/2021 07:18

He should have been honest that he didn't want to see you any more. But it was more fun/rewarding for him to mess with your head. He wanted to leave it open to turn up again at some point if his new relationship (which he definitely has going on) doesn't work out. He's bad news, OP. You're better off without him and you deserve someone much nicer. Have a big cry and an angry rant (not to him!) and then move on

Gargellen · 03/12/2021 07:23

He was faking it. He had to have been or he would be in touch.

SarahBellam · 03/12/2021 07:24

If he’s managed without you for a couple of months he’s not interested. Not even a little bit. When a man is interested in you, you know it.

samesign · 03/12/2021 07:31

A strong enough relationship would be able to withstand any stresses in life, you get through together, think it was just an excuse to stop you progressing the relationship.
Stop waiting around for him, just get on with your life now.

spotcheck · 03/12/2021 07:33

So, you brought up moving in, and he basically left a man shaped hole in the wall, he ran out so quickly?

I would bet my car that if you did see him again, there would be the biggest sob story. It would sound like it's vaguely your fault, so you would feel really bad, and forget he went AWOL for 2 months.

In other news, he's probably sniffing somewhere else.

Is his mum still alive?

BeggarsMeddle · 05/12/2021 10:43

Sadly it does sound like he has done a runner. Using his dad's illness to hold you at bay then taken the coward's way out.

@spotcheck

So, you brought up moving in, and he basically left a man shaped hole in the wall, he ran out so quickly?

This is one of the funniest images of man-shaped exit! Hold this thought in your mind OP should you ever find yourself 'wondering' about whether to make contact.

Aprilx · 05/12/2021 11:28

I think it is over from his perspective, nobody disappears from their relationship for two months if they want it to continue.

That said, I read it differently to everyone else. To me it seems you talked about moving in after he had just been through a traumatic time, he said he needed to think and you said you were taking a step back, so he let you. Perhaps there is more to it than that, but from purely reading your post, that is all I could piece together.

Momijin · 05/12/2021 11:39

Moving in is quite a commitment and it makes you really assess the relationship. He may have realised that he didn't love you enough to make that commitment and then thought what is the point of continuing if his feelings aren't as deep?

Or maybe having added pressure when his dad was ill or maybe his dad being ill made him realise what was really important in life.

Ir could be any number of reasons but all of them point to him not wanting you in his life. I'm sorry op but hope you move on quickly and find a lovely bloke.

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 12:18

@Ratuomslf

Just so sad about it. He was a bit tricky, not at all experienced with relationships which I found hard. But I did love him, ultimately, and I’d have loved to have made it work.

It’s hard for me to understand how we went from that to this. He seemed sincere but it’s now nearly two months so he can’t have been

You'll never understand, because what he's done is very cruel, and you would never do that to someone. It's just not in your scope of comprehension, and it wouldn't be for anybody who isn't cruel themselves.

The question really is why you're thinking it's up to him to end it? Why isn't in something in you saying 'Wow. You've left without a word for two months. There is no way I'd let you get close to me again'?

How badly does he need to treat you before you draw the line?

PilatesPeach · 05/12/2021 12:58

Let it go - it is hard as you at least want some sort of explanation or closure but nothing he can say will make you feel better - it will make you feel worse and confirm what you already know. It hurts massively but for whatever reason, he does not want to be involved with you anymore - it has been 2 months and you need to let it go. Had the same just happen to me. Things in life often don't work out how we want, whether a man, a job, a house etc but I try and trust that it was not meant for me if it does not work out - not easy but easier than tormenting myself trying to understand people who if they cared, would have explained.
Nice people care about others and that includes how relationships end. Sorry OP

Onelifeonly · 05/12/2021 13:04

Yes, give up now.

girlmom21 · 05/12/2021 13:20

I can't believe you even need to ask the question. It's been two whole months.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/12/2021 15:08

If anybody asked him, he'd probably say that you dumped him - because that's what it sounds like; you dumped him because he wasn't quite ready to move in together when you brought it up.

It's over.

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