How to choose a godmother?

[RachW90]

Hi,

I need some advice....
I have 2 close friends that I am considering to be godmother.
1 I have known since we were 5 and was maid of honour at my wedding. However she has become incredibly self centred but she is a fantastic mum.
The second girl I have known since I was 16. I am godmother to her eldest and I will be the MOH at her wedding next year but she tends to lie ALOT ! But she has a good heart.
I know nobody is perfect but I want to feel like we are picking the right person.

Any advice is greatly appreciated 😊

Are either of them Christians?
To be honest, neither of them.sound like good Godmother material. A Godparent is someone who will support the child's religious and moral upbringing.

Neither of them.

Choose someone who will have a reliable, longterm, positive relationship with your child.

Ask both.

There's no limit on godparents so if you want one of them and can't decide which, pick both. If, however, you are undecided because neither are particularly suitable, choose someone else entirely.

Look further.

Or, I am one of three godmothers and one godfather to GD. Parents couldn’t decide which one to choose. But as I am fully Catholic, that made the other three ok in the Church’s eyes, as I covered the bases.

Check your parameters, see who all you have that would tick the boxes and work from there. And don’t let anything guilt trip you into someone you don’t want.

Both, of course. There is no limit on godparents.

Who you were maid of honour for and how long you have know these women for is in my opinion irrelevant. I asked myself who, in my absence, would guide my child as I'd want them guided, someone who's values aligned closest to mine. Someone who would be prepared to step up, teach them life skills, would want to spend time with them. That's your god parent.

I think first thing is to be clear about what you are expecting of a god parent. If necessary write it down. There is a lot of vagueness on the role and it depends on whether you are an active Christian, whether you come from a close family that would step in to do most stuff if something happened to you. Also think about how long the role continues: till 18? Till they finish education? Till they are confirmed?
Once you have defined clearly what you want from Godparents, identify the best people you know to do that role…different godparents could be better at some of the role for instance.
Then talk to the perspective godparents- ask them what they see their role would be. Then politely lay out your expectations..Ask them to think whether they would take that on. Be clear and reaslistic how much hands on involvement you want them to commit to etc
I think all to often people don’t know what they want from godparents, and as a godmother I really didn’t know what was expected from me, I lived miles away in a full time job with an ill husband and 2 kids to look after virtually as a single parent. I basically felt a failure most of the time with respect to my role. My god daughters all had large families with close aunties and grandmothers …and those family members were also practicing
sometimes it just seemed I was there to send presents at Xmas and birthdays only- and since they were moving in very different and wealthier circles than me, my affordable gifts never seemed enough to me ( not them..they always said thank you)

When I was asked again by different parents, I asked what was being expected. Mother didn’t know, hadn’t thought about it, I politely declined after digging a bit more with her and said I didn’t think I was best suited to meet her expectations.
I choose not to have the kids baptised, even though I am a Christian. I think if we had gone the godparent route I’d have treated it more like having mentors for my child. What skills or knowledge would my child struggle to get from me or my husband? Who did I admire for that particular skill or experience or pastime? Then ask that person to spend time with my child in that particular area and maybe say for. Ages of ..to…. Id have loved to be a godparent for a child that the parent wanted to utilise a skill or experience I personally had. Even if that’s becuase you are a Christian, think about the specific “gift” they have that they could share with your child.