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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

help me educate my dp

12 replies

rwar · 17/12/2007 12:21

he works 10-6, I look after our 1yo and work from home

his comments:

'looking after our child is not a job'

'I need to unwind more than you at the end of the day'

'you obviously didn't manage your time right. or you shouldn't have taken on the job'
I was working EVERY MINUTE our lo was asleep on some freelance work and staying up till around 3 in the morning for 2 weeks. I (not dp) was still bathing him and putting him to bed and going to him in the night. We are using the money I earned for christmas presents etc and would have been stuck without it

'you can relax in the day'

I'm assuming you'll agree this is outrageous
what would you say to put him right?
(unfortunately I wasn't very constructive in my response! )

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 17/12/2007 12:23

dp said this to me once.

i went to see my family in Wales for 4 days.

day 2 he rang to say how hard it is and how he would never say it again. doing it himself meant more than me telling him it was busy.

robin3 · 17/12/2007 12:24

Leave him alone with your child for 24 hours. Worked for me.

Saturn74 · 17/12/2007 12:24

Surely he would want to share the childcare when he is around - irrespective of what you do when he's not around?
He is your child's father, after all!

Sounds like a fair distribution of work is required eg: one cooks the dinner, the other baths baby.

missingtheaction · 17/12/2007 12:27

I'm with Scorpio - you can come and stay with me if you like, I make excellent margaritas. He is a twat. Offer to swop for the day - you go to a 'meeting' from 10 - 6 and phone him during the day to ask what he's made for supper. then when you get home say all the things to him that he says to you.

Do you get on with his mum? Make sure she is on your side and doesn't rush over to help out!

robin3 · 17/12/2007 12:35

In all fairness I'd say 90% of men think this until they are left to go cold turkey.

Original poster

rwar · 17/12/2007 12:48

ha ha thanks
i knew it'd cheer me up posting here!

he does help on the weekend, it's just maddening that he doesn't respect everyday childcare as much as a frikin office job.

I'm impressed with your strategy scorpio1 - simple yet effective! Maybe something to try in the new year...
MIA - I'd have more trouble stopping my own mother from helping him!

OP posts:

Original poster

rwar · 17/12/2007 12:56

sorry, MTA not MIA!

OP posts:

rdk · 19/12/2007 22:46

my dp is the same its not a job he says to me all the time the worst thing is his stupid mother is on his side . i couldnt even thing for a second how he would cope on his own with dd, i wish from day one i left dd more with her dad, theres where i have gone wrong

hettie · 20/12/2007 10:17

the only way to stop this rubbish is leave him on his own with lo for 3-4 days. I really think you should do it you know.

Tommy · 20/12/2007 10:27

definitely leave it all to him for at least a day.
The first time I left DH with 6m old DS1, he actually said to me at the end of the day "I didn't realise how tiring it was" and then promptly fell asleep in front of the telly

FioFio · 20/12/2007 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

claricebeansmumhasnomincepies · 20/12/2007 10:36

And the key to leaving DHs alone with DC is not to do any preparation beforehand...so leave the washing in the machine, the cupboards bare, the toys everywhere...it has to be "real".

Flip