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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner is so angry with me

38 replies

marvmaise · 02/12/2021 15:16

I get it. I had a big breakdown that I didn't know how to control, I called my mother asked her to come over to help me with the baby and I decided that I didn't want to be here anymore and told my partner and my sister, I completely spiralled out of control. They were both severely worried about me.
Fast forward to today I've been referred for therapy and meds which I've agreed too. my partner has told me he is so angry with me and I've broken his heart for wanting/ attempting to take my life. He doesn't know what to do and He swore and shouted down the phone and I felt awful. All day has been talking to me in a very angry tone. He's coming back to support me now but I feel terrible. It was the morning after and now I'm just sitting here thinking what have I done. I feel like I've messed up but at the time I couldn't cope. How do I make this up to him and show him I want to get better I've apologised but I need actions not words.

OP posts:
stayignorant · 02/12/2021 16:23

And doesn't he see that there's a reason you didn't call him first? He probably knows why and can't handle the truth

pointythings · 02/12/2021 16:27

This man is part of your problems and will be making your mental health worse. Listen to the people who have seen your other threads. Ending your relationship with this man is part of your recovery - an essential part. You are probably very afraid of being alone and that is understandable, but you have also shown that you are able to reach out and access help. Do that, use the help to grow strong until you are comfortable with being independent. You really don't need a man in your life to be able to cope.

FlowerArranger · 02/12/2021 16:41

@pointythings

This man is part of your problems and will be making your mental health worse. Listen to the people who have seen your other threads. Ending your relationship with this man is part of your recovery - an essential part. You are probably very afraid of being alone and that is understandable, but you have also shown that you are able to reach out and access help. Do that, use the help to grow strong until you are comfortable with being independent. You really don't need a man in your life to be able to cope.
Totally agree.

@marvmaise - this man is toxic and a danger to your mental health!

You need to leave him to protect yourself and to safeguard the wellbeing of your child.

DeeCeeCherry · 03/12/2021 16:59

No man is worth all this shit. Waste of time and life.

nocnoc · 03/12/2021 17:05

This is no good. You are poorly. I’ve been exactly here after I had my eldest. You need kindness and support. Not anger and shouting. Him putting stress and his emotions on you isn’t going to help and is unfair and not appropriate. You need to be surrounded by strong mature shoulders. Would it help to go stay with baby at your parents. Is your partner part of the problem? Access all of the help but please stop punishing yourself. Would you punish somebody for having cancer? You don’t want to be ill. You just are. This can happen after having a baby. I got better, you can too

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 03/12/2021 17:15

It's all me me me with him, isn't it? You need someone who will actually support you. Prioritise yourself, don't worry about making it up to him.

layladomino · 03/12/2021 19:29

He's managed to make your mental health crisis all about him. He's managed to make YOU feel bad for being in such a bad state. When any decent partner would be doing all they can to support you, be there for you, reassure you, show you that you're loved, he's doing the opposite. He's punishing you and making himself out to be a victim. He's trying to make you feel guilty (and successing it seems).

He is outrageously self-centred, selfish and uncaring.

You would be so much better off - your mental health problems are likely because of him. You wouldvery likely be a happier, calmer, more settled person, for you and your children, if it weren't for him.

layladomino · 03/12/2021 19:29

You would be so much better off WITHOUT HIM

me4real · 04/12/2021 20:00

He's verbally and psychologically abusive @marvmaise . You're ill and instead of being supportive he makes you feel worse with how he acts. Sad

Allsortsofroses · 04/12/2021 20:31

He doesn't like you.

People always say things like this in and its u helpful abnd actually inaccurate.

It's something else the op could blame themselves for or think they can change if only they abc.

It ls not about whether he likes her, how much he likes her or not ..... it's about his character abd how he treats a partner in a relationship. He sounds abusive and you won't change that and its not personal to op.

Noone decent would behave like this after their (relatively new mum?) partner had had a break down and considered suicide.

No wonder you've felt the way you do if his attitude is typical of his behaviour.

He sounds toxic/abusive.

NettleTea · 04/12/2021 20:37

social services will help you
He doesnt want them involved because he knows they will see how abusive he is, and will probably support you to leave him

Allsortsofroses · 04/12/2021 20:38

Oh and has he been pulling his weight with the nights with the baby?

Because sleep deprivation is directly linked to pnd etc. Then there are the massive hormonal changes through and after pregnancy.

He should be kind and supportive, hes the opposite.

stayignorant · 04/12/2021 22:04

How are you doing @marvmaise? X

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