My ex is a pain in the arse. We separated about 20 months ago due to verbal and emotional abuse, gaslighting, physically threatening behaviour, and on a couple of occasions actual physical actions, name calling etc etc.
Since this period things have been tumultuous. He can still be quite verbally abusive at times, and I suppose uses any conversations we have as a means of being controlling, though it has taken me a long time to see this behaviour. Either that or he will give one word, or obstructive responses to questions regarding our daughter or the dog we still share
Many people have suggested grey rock method, and I do try and keep everything as to the point as possible avoiding anything around talking about the dog or our daughter. We communicate via WhatsApp, but he is on mute, so that I can at least control when I read his messages, as he's prone bombardment and has ruined full days with message bombardment, even prior to the end of our relationship.
He tends to swing between approaches which is exhausting, but he will also consistently write things and then delete them. Sometimes I see them, sometimes I don't, and I never respond or ask him what he has deleted, as I suspect he is trying to get me to react. All through tje history of our chat, are deleted messages from him.
I am trying my hardest to be civil and reasonable. My daughter is 3, and we have as near shared care as is feasible, which for me means we absolutely have to maintain a level of constructive conversation, because one of us simply cannot be blind to the other part of her life, without missing massive issues, such as health and development. I keep him updated as much as I possibly can re Dr appointments, sickness, vaccines, what she's achieved, what's she likes eating/not, how much she's eating. I know if I were to fail to tell him about a GP appointment, or something along those lines, the shit would hit the fan, but he will never reciprocate, and I have to fish for info, such as when her next dentist appointment is booked etc. If I ask him how she is, I get single word responses, or nothing at all, even if she's been unwell.
I am desperate to simply do the best for my daughter, as much as I'd rather never see or hear from the man again, but his constant destruction of lines of communication is exhausting, and in my opinion, not in our daughters best interest. Why does he do this and what can I do about it!