How to get over this

[Sosad1120]

I was with my ex for 7/ 8 months. Prior he was married for 15 years . At first he was nice to me but then he changed . I have anxiety and depression and I think he played on it.
He would say stuff like ‘ well done . This is you, this is just how you are ‘. I had a panic attack once and he said ‘ that’s not anxiety/ shut up’. He would shouts and me and threaten to leave / leave frequently. He would frequently tell me I need to keep my mouth shut ‘for once ‘.

He wanted me to move in quickly , despite all the problems.

In the end he blocked me after I challenged him when he said my weight was okay but other people may think I look overweight .

I feel so depressed after this relationship . He made frequent digs about how alone I am ( he has two kids) and how splitting up with him is cutting my nose of to spite my face .

I just don’t know where to go from here as I don’t know why he treated me like this, I always nice and I always tried . I was a relatively happy perosn before I met him.

Any advice as to how to get over this ?

Sounds to me like you had a lucky escape.

First thing to know is that you did NOTHING wrong. He was looking for his next victim and it seems like he wasn't able to get you fully into his trap.

Block everything to do with him and be thankful it was only a few months.

The reason he treated you like this is all about him and not about you. In fact, I think you should feel proud of yourself. He was looking for someone to control and you got out.

Here’s to a brighter future, @sosad1120

He was and probably is a complete arsehole. As pp have said you were his next victim . He was treating you badly because he could.
However, whether or not you are overweight is irrelevant , if you want to diet you can. Whereas he will most certainly always be an arsehole.
You said you were happy before him. You can be again. For a start you have already probably lost around 10 stone of dead weight (him). You don't have to put up with his horrible behaviour and you are free . My God that can be an amazing feeling. You are young, strong, beautiful, you will be happy and did I mention Free ?
You have got this. 💐

You get over him by saying to yourself you deserve better.

Do you think that who you are as a person has something to do with why he treated you like this? That you somehow deserved it, or did something that would make others treat you in the same way too?

Negging. Deliberately making you feel bad about yourself to get you under his control. Disguised as a loving relationship but it absolutely was not. But you stood up to him even while he was forcing himself down your throat. WELL DONE.

The man is a walking shit sandwich and it might take a few more weeks at the mental hygeinist to get that revolting taste out of your mouth, but keep scrubbing and keep rinsing, eat some lovely fresh apples and value your judgement for having spat, and not swallowed.

Try and erase these months out of your mind and become the person you were before you met him.

Awful creature.

Park it as "lesson learnt"

Have a wonderful Christmas.

Wow, what a controlling, negging arsehole bullet you've dodged there! imagine living with that!

The woman you were pre arsehole is still there. Treat yourself very well, as you deserve.

You need to know that this was about him. You didn't cause him to be critical and unkind. He will be like that in every relationship he has.

Think about it - would a kind person say the things he said? Everything he said was calculated to bring you down and grind you down, so that you would accept his word as final and he would be in control of you and your life.

He wanted you to feel grateful that he would have you. He wanted you to think no other man would want you. He wanted all that so you wouldn't leave.

You say he was rushing you to move in.... Think on that - why would he be rushing you to move in if you were so awful?

There is nothing at all wrong with you. He is a very flawed human who isn't capable of a healthy respectful relationship.

You have had a narrow escape and should be relieved you're out of it. Please don't be tempted to go back. He won't ever get better, in fact he is likely to get worse (and if you went back he would see it as a licence to treat you even worse).

Please take some time out enjoying being single. Enjoying not having some arse criticise you, undermine you, trying to destroy your self-confidence. Be kind to yourself, and don't ever put up with someone who makes you feel bad or question yourself.

He thought you were too good for him and that at some point you might realise that, so his constant belittling and negging and lack of support were to keep you in your place and give him the upper hand. Do not believe him. This is about his low self esteem, and nothing to do with you. You sound lovely - be grateful you only spent 7/8 months with this arsehole and not 15 years, because without a doubt that’s what his ex wife will have put up with before she finally got the courage up to bin him.

It's terrifying that he was so abusive to you in such a short space of time.

He is a real danger - thank Christ you didn't move in and have broken up.

He blocked you when you challenged him because he is a standard issue abuser. He was testing how much abuse you are willling to accept - good on you, you showed you respected yourself more than he did.

Counselling could help you work through your anxiety.