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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable??

16 replies

Linzi0206 · 02/12/2021 00:59

Hi,
So me and my partner have our own places but live at mine.. we split the bills of the 2 places combined 50/50.

We share a family car, that he purchased, and I sold my car as he wanted a ‘nice’ car to use when he wasn’t working. He has another car for work also.

Anyway, I lost my job and he hasn’t been working too much recently, he’s self employed.

I don’t have any savings, he has around £25000 savings.

We’ve got no money for Christmas due to none of us having much work so we agreed to use his savings and pay it back. He’s now decided he doesn’t want to use his savings as he ‘can’t afford to pay out £2400 of his savings’, we agreed to pay £1200 each back into his savings when we are both back working again. So I was basically borrowing £1200 from his savings.
He’s not saving for anything in particular, he says he needs them for ‘when he needs them’

We had a huge argument about it and he has now moved out, he has taken both cars so I can’t get my child to school and I have no money for Christmas presents at all.

We spoke today and he asked to be friends, he agreed to let me borrow the family car and he is going to sell it and when he does he said he will borrow me money to buy a car for myself.

He then asked if I would help him to choose furniture for his own house, I said yes and he said he has around £5000 to spend to do it.

I don’t understand how he has £5000 to spend on doing his house up and then also willing to borrow me money for a car but couldn’t borrow me £1200 for Christmas.

When I asked why he wouldn’t borrow me the Christmas money he said he didn’t think I would pay him back. But he agreed to borrow me money to buy a car??

Am I being unreasonable for being upset that we’re now separated just before Christmas, I can’t buy presents and have no mode of transport (I live in an area that would take 3hours on buses to school) all because he wasn’t willing to borrow out of his savings and now he has a spare £5000 for furniture and decor Confused

What’s your thoughts?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 02/12/2021 01:20

He is an absolutely horrible person and a dickhead. Why did you tell him you'd help him choose furniture!? What a wanker!

Tell him to piss right off. I assume the cars are all in his name?

Sorry you're going through this...he's an absolute cocklodger who has been taking the piss.

Original poster
Linzi0206 · 02/12/2021 02:04

I am beginning to wonder why I agreed to help him too.

I am way too nice for my own good.

I just needed to clarify if I was being unreasonable.

Thank you for your reply

OP posts:
RonaldMcDonald · 02/12/2021 02:17

The differences between loan and borrow confused me in his post.

Did you contribute to the ‘family car’ when you sold yours? Or did the money from the sale of your car become part of your cash savings?
If you contributed the car is partly yours.
Why did you both maintain homes and split bills 50/50? Financially you did poorly from this deal as he also lived in your property but you never lived in his. Did you not recognise this?

If you are not working and have a child make sure you get all the benefits you are entitled to as a single parent ASAP.
If he doesn’t trust you with his savings but can live in your house whilst you subsidise his property there is no relationship
Ditto if he leaves you and a child penniless and without transport before Christmas.
He is the worst.

FortunesFave · 02/12/2021 03:07

He was only in it for the savings he made. I mean...he's lived in your house and now the moment you want him to contribute, he's packed and off.

As Ronald asks, what happened to the cash from the sale of your car?

Did you chip in? Or as I suspect, use the money for the running of your home?

Either way he should bloody give you the car!

FortunesFave · 02/12/2021 03:11

I see from your post history that he's been abusive.

You're worth way more than this. Please do not EVER go back to him or let him back.

Your kids will suffer terribly in future. They need to have a safe place to live without a man who slaps their Mother and threatens them with eviction.

That's worth a lot more than presents. How old are your kids? Are you in full receipt of all benefits now he's gone? You should get more money.

TarasCrazyTiara · 02/12/2021 04:00

I mean it’s not very nice he won’t spend on Christmas, but at the same time your not entitled to his savings and he is helping you get a car. I think it’s just run it’s course. Good that the separation is amicable.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2021 04:05

We share a family car, that he purchased, and I sold my car as he wanted a ‘nice’ car to use when he wasn’t working. He has another car for work also.

Did you contribute to that family car?

Prisonbreak · 02/12/2021 04:11

You being unable to afford Christmas gifts is your own problem.
He can decide what he does with his own money. You sound extremely grabby and entitled. I’m not surprised he won’t give you money

updownroundandround · 02/12/2021 06:56

I also want to know what happened to the money from you selling your car. If it was used as a 'trade in' against the new 'posh' car, then you are entitled to get the money he got for it.

But even if you split all the bills for both properties 50/50, he still got the 'added extras' of you doing the cooking/cleaning/laundry/shopping etc as well as getting you to sell your car, just so he could buy himself a 'better' one for using in his spare time ?? Hmm To say nothing about the cost of the 'wear and tear' to your house furniture and fittings etc (Which, I assume, will be your problem ? Hmm)

As for him refusing to lend you cash for Xmas ? I'm afraid you're going to have to chalk that one up to experience. He doesn't have to lend you money just because he's got savings, and you don't.
(But ask yourself this, how did he manage to 'accrue' all that money in savings ? Maybe by getting other naive women to 'help' him by using more of their money on him perhaps ? Hmm)

Basically, he's a selfish dickhead (For whom I'd be doing bloody zero 'favours' btw !).

If he has pocketed the money from the sale of your car by using it as a trade in for a car he then put in his name, I'd try to find out if there's any legal recourse available to you, but other than that, I think you simply need to resign yourself to a frugal Xmas.

MsDogLady · 02/12/2021 08:34

Linzi, I am sorry that you and your children are still in this train wreck of a relationship.

Last year you all had been living at your Partner’s house, but every time you had an argument he would throw you out. He had made you and the children leave several times. He would even threaten them with eviction to keep you in line. You acknowledged that this constant instability was damaging them.

At the time of that thread he had recently poked your face and slapped you, and you said he had previously beaten you, mocked your looks, parenting, etc., and played mind games.

He had made your children cry by threatening to give away their dog.

At some point you and he broke up for 2 years, but you reunited. Posters were horrified that you were subjecting your children to this monster. They provided you with invaluable information to help you empower yourself. Since then you all obviously moved to your house and his appalling abuse has continued.

Linzi, please stay away from this cruel, sadistic man. You can’t be friends because he is not your friend. He is your abuser and your children’s abuser. And for heaven’s sake, don’t help him decorate!

Do you have any real life support to help you navigate this emotionally and financially? Flowers

Nedclarity · 02/12/2021 08:47

I’d borrow the money from someone else and get rid of him.

CoachBeardless · 02/12/2021 08:49

Why does Christmas cost £1200?

LoveComesQuickly · 02/12/2021 08:52

He doesn't sound like a nice person. But I have to say that £1200 sounds like a lot of money for someone who's skint to spend on Christmas presents. Does it really need to be that much?

HollowTalk · 02/12/2021 08:52

Why on earth were you splitting his bills at his house?

lastqueenofscotland · 02/12/2021 09:00

Sounds like there is an awful lot more to this story than you are letting on but that aside, £1200 for Christmas when you don’t have a pot to piss in is obscene

layladomino · 02/12/2021 09:11

You are well away from this man. That is the most important thing. He is vile. Abusive. Bad for your and terrible for your children. Please stay away from him for good.

He isn't a friend. Friends don't act like him. By friend, does he mean you should help him when he wants it? Do you think he intends to act as friend to you, when you need support? No, I think not.

You aren't his friend. You don't need to help him. Please withdraw any offers of help or being a friend. You would be much better off staying away from him completely. Block him. Rebuild yourself.

Leanr to show yourself respect and care. Look after you and your children. This man is only out for himself. He doesn't care about your and your children. He isn't a good influence in their lives. He only brings misery.

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