Please can someone hold my hand

[InDispair1]

I've been with DP for 6 years, I'm 14 weeks pregnant with a planned baby and our relationship has gone to shit completely. I suspect he's messaging women again (found him on the lovely FabSwingers 3 years ago) and since becoming pregnant he's just changed completely. Please don't judge the fact that I've taken him back. Up until now I hadn't regretted it. We've literally just bought a house together. So im giving you a full picture, he's project managing our whole house renovation but not doing any of the work - he has hired tradesman.

We were TTC for a while, now I'm pregnant he isn't interested in sex and barely comes near me. He won't tell anyone I'm pregnant (you wait until 16 weeks according to him) but deep down I know he's putting it off. He pretends to be interest but I know he isn't.

I've been ill with tonsillitis the past two days, haven't been able to do much around the house but today I made dinner, tidied the house, washed the pots 3 times whilst working from home.

I left the pots in the sink after dinner (it'd be the fourth time washing them) and quite frankly I'm pregnant, with tonsillitis and horrendous back pain and I don't want to do them. He says "you can do the pots tomorrow" and I said no I'm at work you do them.

Next minute, he's saying "fuck you, I'll see you tomorrow" and he's actually gone. He won't message me or try to contact me.

How can someone just walk out on his pregnant partner? Please hold my hand so I don't message him. I'm a mess and I don't know what to do.

He's actually gone. I don't understand why he's being like this. I know his feelings have changed but he never admits it.

His actions clearly show his true feelings - for him to walk out on me when I'm ill, pregnant and in pain then that's all I need to know.

I’m sure someone will be along with wise and kind words shortly. In the meantime I can hold your hand xx

That sounds really really hard. You are ill and he should be stepping up and he is doing the opposite.

Is there a friend or a family member you can call or even go to for the night? Or who could come over? Early pregnancy is hard anyway

You don't have to make any decisions about anything tonight. Or do the pots!

Is there something you find soothing that you could do? Listen to music, warm bath, bed with a book? You need to get better not stress about this.

Once you are well you can come back to this board and start to work out how to move forward. There are so many people here who can help you with making those decisions and the practical stuff about the house etc. So don't worry too much about any of that.

And it's not you, it's him.

I can't even read the posts through the tears. I'm heart broken. I literally did nothing wrong.

I don't have anywhere to go, but I don't want to be here when he gets back. I'll never force someone to be around me when they clearly don't want to be.

It's actually over, when four months ago, we were so happy. Why. Fucking Why. Why.

Well in all honesty the why is because he's a dickish manchild who has no respect for women. But that's not really your problem. You have some really immediate problems like being ill and pregnant and upset. And the longer term ones (him) can keep for a bit?

I don't really have many friends and I just can't face telling people yet. I'd rather be alone whilst in this state.

I've packed my car up, I figured it would be better for me to be in my own bed tonight at least whilst he won't be here. It's full of my stuff so I can go tomorrow.

Tbh I would cut your ties with this man. Keep the baby or don't

but don't rely on him for anything.

Ok. When you do go tomorrow where will.you be going? And will those people support you?

Okay, he might be a total dick but you also have raging hormones.
Please don't do or say anything that can't be undone tonight.
You may need to consider your future with him but don't do it while ill and tired.
He may be overwhelmed by it all. That's not an excuse for his behaviour but even with a planned baby, most people have a 'what are we doing moment'.
Put your baby first. Put on the telly and get your feet up. Don't make dramatic gestures like packing your car, your blood pressure will be sky high.
You need to talk about all of this but let things cool.

I had the most massive argument with my DH while pregnant over a bloody chicken. It was hideous at the time but all a bit ridiculous in the morning as I'd lumped a lot of unnecessary worry about other things in with it and built it up to something huge

Why should you leave op? You have more rights being pregnant with his child? Youve bought the house together is it in joint names? Don't leave your home if he's not happy let him leave. Also he sounds like a twat

He's cheated on her before, she thinks he's doing it again now and he told his ill pregnant wife to do the dishes for the fourth time that day and then when she stood up for herself told her to fuck off and stormed out.

This isn't a hormonal fight over a chicken.

I do agree that she shouldn't be stressing herself.

@RainbowCrossing

He's cheated on her before, she thinks he's doing it again now and he told his ill pregnant wife to do the dishes for the fourth time that day and then when she stood up for herself told her to fuck off and stormed out.

This isn't a hormonal fight over a chicken.

I do agree that she shouldn't be stressing herself.

Absolutely this! Baffled that with all that info someone could put this down to a pregnant woman's hormones! He's a proven prick.

Oh OP I am really sorry. Put your phone in a draw and go to bed.

In the morning can you call your parents, siblings or a friend, and make a plan to separate yourself from this man - he is a cheat who is nasty to you, and he will only get worse.

Hopefully you own your house jointly? I imagine you might be able to stay if you need to till it’s sold. See a solicitor before you formally tell him it’s over so you know where you stand.

So sorry again, but get this guy out.

Ignore the pillock with the chicken analogy. Having sex with other women is not comparable to rowing over a roast, and suggesting your upset is down to hormones is gaslighting.

Leave op. Just get out now

Here to hold your hand OP. I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. He’s an arse and you will be happier and healthier without him. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but you will look back on this time and realise he did you a favour by showing you what he is really like. Where are you planning to go? I think you should consider staying out and asking him to leave x

Staying put I mean!! Damn autocorrect

He sounds awful OP.
I’m with the others, cut your losses you need to leave him. Or you need to kick him out. If he is behaving like this whilst you are carrying his child what’s he going to be like when the child is here?

How are you doing op?

I'm so sorry you're in this horrible situation. For whatever reason, your DP has changed. It could be that your pregnancy has panicked him, it could be that he always had he ability to be an abusive arse and your pregnancy has brought that out in him (it happens). It could be something totally unrelated to your pregnancy.

But whatever it is, he's acting like someone who doesn't care about your or your child, which must be horrifying after 6 years and a happy relationship together.

What is your situation with the property?

The sooner you get support IRL the better.