Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can sexual chemistry be learnt?

2 replies

arbredft23 · 01/12/2021 14:37

So I have a bit of a sticky situation. I was with my DP (now ex) for 5 years and he was my first real sexual partner so when we first got together I thought our sex was great. We loved each other a lot so had a great emotional connection and I was also attracted to him. However, our relationship started to go down the pan for various reasons and I think I lost my attraction towards him as a result. Not so much physically but just emotionally etc. Towards the end of our relationship our sex was pretty boring, same thing every time, not much excitement.

We split for about 6 months and didn't talk at all, he has made quite a few big changes in his life and we are now reconsidering things and speaking again but taking it slow. Whilst we were apart I did have a couple of sexual encounters with other men and it's got me thinking about my sex life with my DexP. I've learnt more about what it is I enjoy in the bedroom and I want DP to fulfill this but I'm not sure how to get there. He can be a little hesitant and I want him to just take control and stop worrying so much about if I like something etc, I have told him this is very sweet but I will let him know if I'm not happy/comfortable in a certain situation.

My question is, can sexual chemistry in your experience be taught/learnt or is it something that if you don't have naturally you never will have? Apart from this, our relationship is great in many ways. I just don't want to be thinking I could be having much better sex elsewhere. We are meeting up in a couple of weeks and I think sex could be on the cards so just trying to figure things out!

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 01/12/2021 15:04

I think that the level of assertiveness he's comfortable with might be adjusted upwards somewhat, but not massively. Just tell him that that is what you would like and see where he takes it.

FabulousMrFifty · 01/12/2021 16:16

Tend to agree with PP, you could probably work on it a bit and go for small step changes

I always wanted my ExW to more “positive” in the bedroom, but she was also a bit hesitant and never really changed in that way.
But in my last LTR my partner was much more “positive”, and I had to step up a bit.

But you need a pre bedroom chat about what you want from him, and just as importantly what you are going to do.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page