Flirty partner help

[Wolfgirl14]

Me and my partner have been together for 8 years and have 1 beautiful son and are trying for another child. Now when my son was just over 1 I found a lot of messages from my partner to other women(I wasn't snooping he was signed into fb on my phone at the time and received a message) these were very flirty and suggestive messages to multiple women even arranging to meet up but never quite getting to that point. In some he said we were broken up and in some he didn't mention me at all. These messages ranged from when we first met all the way up to when I found them, I went mental because through this timeline I was pregnant, looking after our infant son, dealing with my moms cancer and trying to help my sister out of an abusive relationship all while this was going on. So naturally it resulted in a big argument where I nearly left but eventually stayed for our son and the fact that I still love him. Fast forward about 2 years and I again see that he has these flirty message and a POF account where he was chatting to girls, again I let it go after an argument. Fast forward 3 years to last night and I again found that he had been flirting with a coworker, again another argument where he brushed it aside as harmless flirting. I don't know what to do I love my partner and he is great dad, but I'm tired of constantly being paranoid and wondering if he's doing it again. He is my best friend and I can't talk to him about my feelings as he feels like I'm dragging up history, and all my other friends are his friends too so I can't talk to anyone without damaging their relationship with him, so I feel like I'm going mad with the thoughts and feelings swimming around my head all the time. I need some outside perspective/advice so any you can give would be great.

The one and only question you should be asking is:

Why is my bar so low, that I will accept being treated so appallingly?

He doesn’t sound like much of a best friend.. more like a wanker.

Why do you want to have another child with him. He’ll be messing you about for the rest of your life.

I’d leave while you are young enough to start over

Please think seriously and stop trying for another child with a hystrionic tit who is missing a moral compass...

I think you need to start being honest with yourself that even if you were giselles twin, and gave this man ALL of your time and attention, it will never be enough for his ego. Attention seekers with no integrity don't make good partners.

I would start planning your exit unless you can deal with this long term. It won't stop.

So this is what you know about. Which he hid from you.

Then there's the stuff you don't know about yet. Because he hides things from you.

Then there's how much worse its going to get before you do something.

This is why people are telling you to leave.

He can't be a really good Dad if he is disrespecting you, his children's mother, so much xx

With a "best friend" like him, you don't need any enemies, do you? You have got to figure out why on earth your standards are so shockingly low, and why you would ever think it's a good idea to bring another child into this disaster. He is a serial cheat and a horrible man.

How awful OP. You must be so hurt.

I think, firstly, you need to come to terms with the reality. The reality being your husband likes to engage in flirting outside of his marriage. He's not going to change. Some spouses can genuinely come to terms with this and turn a blind eye. Others cannot. But you can't make a decision either way until you learn to accept that this is what he does and it's what he is always going to do. He's shown you who he is, you best believe him now.

No one can tell you to leave, there are many reasons why that might not be feasible - but I would advise you to make some serious life assessments. As yourself; how vulnerable are you if he leaves you for another woman? Do you work? Do you have a good financial stake in your property? Do you have bills in your name? Do you have your own savings?

I think if I were you, 2022 might be the year I start doing some serious 'prepping' and I'd probably be putting some walls up emotionally. Brace for impact, so to speak. If you stay with him another 10yrs, I'd never stop making sure I was prepared. It's probably not what you want to do, but he's shown you his cards, so respond accordingly.

You don't have to leave if you can otherwise accept his ways but instead of spending time crying and fighting and trying to make him change - put that energy into making sure that if one day - one of these flirtations turned into something more, he crossed a boundary you couldn't live with, or he left of his own accord - that you are emotionally and financially prepared.

OP this is just so awful for you.

Firstly he’s not ‘flirting’, he’s cheating, lying and betraying you. I suspect you’ve only uncovered the tip of a very nasty iceberg!

Do not have a second child with this man.

Personally I think you need an std check, then you seek legal advice. You get hold of ‘leave a cheater gain a life’ and it becomes your bible as you understand his pathetic and desperate need for ego kibbles.

Then you get yourself some support in the form of friends and/or counselling to shore yourself up so you don’t fall for his bs again, flirting is minimising his behaviour he is a serial cheat. I’m not sure there is any hope with that level of broken.