Should I leave? Can I do it

[useranon12]

I have made a new post as I left my name on old by mistake xx

Hi everyone , I have come on here as I remember years ago when my little girl was just born I found supportive , helpful on biased advice and always felt better after talking to lovely people on here .

I have been arguing with my partner , we are not married however been together 10 years live together and two children 7 and 2. I don't know if I love him and that is the honest truth I really do not know anymore! I been thinking this for a long time but scared and worried that leaving would mean alot worse life for me and kids! He is very lazy around the house does absolutely nothing because he says I work full time and you only work 2 days , I am happy to do most but he does nothing. Also with my little girl when she's not slept and I need to keep getting up with her he will never help. I don't ever feel like sex my sex drive has just gone and I think it's because I'm not attracted to him anymoreor do I even like him. I'm currently sleeping in my sons bunk bed to be away from him and he hasn't offered to give me the main bed and he sleep in bunked. Last night I was up and down with my 2 year old ( she's being a handful at the minute) I decided I had done everything I could for her and left her to cry whilst lying listening to her in room near. He got up and screamed that he could hear me and I'm doing a shit job and that I am a shit mum .I couldn't believe it! I went to bed and thought I need to get out of this relationship.

Now today I'm thinking is it really right thing to do! I am so scared of having to move to a horrible house on my own with kids, I know I shouldn't care about that but I currently live in a decent house and being with my partner we are quite financially comfortable leaving would mean I would have to claim help , probably get a run down council house and always be skint. I am such a house proud person and I sound bad saying it but I would be depressed skint and living in a crap house ( I know that sounds selfish ) I also hate the thought of messing kids around and dragging them
away from home to a different life. My mum was an alcoholic growing up and I never felt safe and happy at home I wanted soo much better for my kids.

I should mention that my partner isn't terrible yes he's lazy around the house but we do have good times like we go on holidays ( I have plenty of bad memories likes they've ended with arguing) but they are not all bad. He love the kids and works hard to give us a good life . What is the right thing to do I honestly don't know, u mean is it normal to never want and feel securely attracted to your partner 🤔 is it normal to be spoken to like crap sometimes and feel unappreciated, do I deserve better or do I accept my life and kids life is OK as it is . Can I really leave and have nothing and start over. I also have no help around me , I have a few good friends but they are busy with their own family's so it would be me and kids on our own . I adore my kids and I am a great mum but it's still very scary especially when your unsure it's right thing . Sorry just to add I have spoken to him and he's told me he thinks I should leave and he's knows we are not really happy together too , he's also sick of me threatening it and not doing it as I have said I would leave a few times and not done it . I just don't know if I am strong enough to go it alone 😔

Why do you feel that you'd have to live in a crap house? You can do anything...even get a job and earn enough for a good house. He can take his share in the kids when he has his access a couple of days a week. Or make the lazy shit go 50-50 and get some life back for yourself.

Is the house rented?

So the house we are in now is owned but stupidly it's just his name on deeds , I am self employed and when we got house he it was easier just to put him on application. He always said its still half my house ans would give me half which he still stands by I would get about 10k , I suppose that's quite good of him he definitely should as it is mine but he could be an absolute nightmare and refuse to give me anything
. So I would have 10 k but after doing some calculations I would spend half of that furniture deposit. It's all feels so depressing I know my relationship has probably run its course and I don't want to accept aman who disrespect me. I say a crap house as I need to be able yo afford pay rent and I can only afford the ones which do not appeal to.me on my own even if I went to work full time. How does one person's average wages cover rent bills and life after doing some calculations I'm depressed at how little I'd have for me ans kids to live on 😔 I suppose thats a common situation for many. I wouldn't say I'm overly well off now but with my partner we have holidays fun weekends with kids on my own I'd be penny watching all time and struggle to afford a yearly holiday. Thts just life I suppose . I might sound abit spoilt but it's hard to accept my life will be soo different and the kids won't get all the things they do now 😕 I think it probably puts alot of women off leaving

What do you mean you'd spend half of that on furniture deposit? You don't have to buy all new furniture! You just get it from second hand shops...that's all we've ever had until very recently. You'd get help with rent from the government....and child support from your ex.

What sort of job could you do?

It doesn't sound like you're ready to leave just yet if your main concerns are about furniture & a crap house. If people are desperate to get out these things are the least of your worries. Freedom would be the main priority. There are plenty of charities that sell furniture cheaply ie my wardrobe was £25 with delivery. I painted it & bought cheap & cheerful knobs to jazz it up. I didn't have a bedroom carpet or bed for a year after I left, but I didn't care. I was just happy to be free.
Maybe you both need to sit down & have a serious chat, or maybe counselling to decide what you both really want before making a mistake