Not coping very well, could do with some support

[saffytres]

I’m single, all my friends and family/siblings, colleagues are settled down. I make huge amounts of effort to keep going…go to the gym, painting classes, I just got back from Italy. I see friends and I date.

No matter what I do I am desperately sad and alone. I can stand living like this and it takes so much energy to carry on.

My last relationship was only a couple of years long but I thought I had met the right one. I was so happy. It all came crashing down in summer and I honestly can’t imagine finding anyone again. It all feels too late now as well. And even before him I was at rock bottom, wondering how I would find anyone. Now it’s happened all over again.

I feel sick with sadness all the time.

Just adding some support here OP. These dark evenings make it all feel so much worse.

Keep talking here tonight, to us, don't sit in silence on your own.

On a practical level, and I hope you take this the right way but I have heard similar stories to yours many many many times and more often than not, just as it gets to the lowest point, something gives. It turns around. My sister in law, 38 yrs old. Met my brother 2 years ago after a head fuck of years of being on her own, bad relationships etc. 6 months together, they started ttc.
Little man is now 1 and she is pregnant again. That happens so often! Years of bullshit and then bam! Out of nowhere it all falls quickly into place.

You'll meet someone. Listen, you could meet someone tomorrow...who wants to settle and have kids and you could be married and a mum within a couple of years. Totally, totally possible. Have faith honestly, you still have plenty of time.... keep dating. That's the only way. It may seem impossible but it is not, at all IF you keep dating. You want to find someone, you have to actively keep looking.

@saffytres Hugs to you!

I am single and have been single for a while now, after a long relationship that thought he was "the one" too.

What you're going through is not easy, is not just about the person that you've lost, but about the relationship/closeness that you've had

It's a very good sign that you continue as much as you can to follow your routine, good for you. It took me months to recover, not from losing the specific person (it was an emotionally abusive relationship), but to get back on my feet, and feel like myself again.

I read in a book that you need on average 1 month for every 1 year of relationship, in order to get over it.

Also, you can take advantage of this time to rethink your personal goals and aspirations. You're doing great, and if you need to chat with someone I am here.

I was like this for several years between relationships. I found that having some stability and responsibility in my life was really important and the last 6 months when I was single were surprisingly fine. The fear of being alone is always what kept me in relationships. The things that changed for me were to get a house of my own and a dog. These things may not be possible for you, but if you are a pet person, honestly they change your life. It's about having a little being there that you can talk to. Also I have to go for a walk twice a day whether I want to or not, and it always makes me feel better. Is this something you could think about?