10 days ago my partner of 2 years decided it was over. Unfortunately for me, since then my entire world has been turned upside down and I’m really struggling.
For back story:
My ExPartner has some pretty horrific childhood trauma in his past, of which I’m well aware of and I know he’s been to therapy for, however something inside tells me that this is a contributing factor for what’s happened.
ExP has had previously issues with alcohol, drugs and MH struggles (suicide) - these were mainly before me and he kept them under control by using the gym as a coping mechanism.
I won’t say I’m entirely innocent here because I’m not, I have a fiery character and when I believe something is wrong I will bring it up. I never believed I could be gaslighted (this is relevant)
We were in a pub 2 weeks ago having food, he was asking what I’d like for Christmas etc, when I was answering he kept picking up his phone ( I believe it was his boss texting) and zoning out. I asked him to stop it because it was rude - and here the issue started. He lost it, shouting and screaming at me in the middle of the pub. I left immediately and told him to pay the bill.
Whilst driving home we were arguing in the car as I said his behaviour was completely unacceptable, he got so irate he pulled the steering wheel and forced me to pull over the car. He got out and walked off, still shouting and screaming. I drove alongside him and tried to reason with him to be met with “oh you’re crazy and you’re trying to run me over and kill me now” - I was doing about 5mph!
He proceeded to walk to the nearest pub, sat in there for 4 hours and drank 20 pints. When he came hone I’d fallen asleep on the sofa, I was awoken to him crashing around and then sitting staring at me and saying “I’m a psychopath you know, a psychopath and a sociopath. I have someone else who lives inside me and I call him Brian, he does bad things” - I know this sounds ridiculous but I swear it’s true. I was actually frightened by him. Eventually I got him up to bed.
The next day he refused to talk about it at all, completely shut down. This obviously caused a huge argument because I said I wouldn’t be brushing it under the carpet like some of his other outbursts. That night he went out again and didn’t come home, once again drunk.
The next morning he transferred £12,000 (exactly half) out of our savings account at 8am before I’d even spoken to him. He came home a little later and said it’s over, he doesn’t love me anymore and he’s unhappy. I’m ashamed to say I lost all dignity in this moment and most certainly begged and pleaded to attempt to reason with him. But it is over, and it’s stayed that way. From that moment he’s been a completely unrecognisable character. Callous and cruel.
If you’ve gotten this far - thank you, I didn’t intend for it to be this long!
For further info, “home” is a rented house we just signed on for 6 months and moved into the week before this happened! My property was in the final stages of completion and we were planning on moving to a forever house - the mortgage was in place and sols appointed etc so the rented house was a stop gap. I’m now back at my Mam’s with a suitcase.
He’s refused to pay anything for the house and is leaving this weekend, he has sorted another house to go to. It’s going to cost me £4k to get rid of this rental house.
He was literally the most perfect partner in the world, 95% of the time. He came along when I’d almost given up hope on finding someone compatible. He was genuine, kind, considerate, I can’t even tell you how happy I was.
My friends have since said they think I’ve been love bombed and then gaslighted.
I’ve since found out that when I met him he had only returned from London 3 weeks earlier and moved back North (where he is originally from but has been gone for 10 years); he split with another girl, packed up his whole life and moved here. Then met me - within 4 months, at his suggestion, he gave up his beautiful rented apartment and came to live with me in my house.
He’s had 14 addresses in 10 years, my Mam thinks he 100% has form for this behaviour.
He has told me since that he blames me for all of this happening, that I’m manipulative and controlling. I disagree with those things - the only thing I ever recall saying no to was him going to the gym every night if the week 530-830, I said there’s no point in having a relationship if you’re not present.
He also used to say to me that I need to go to therapy when we argued, I don’t know what for though and I never did.
In one of our final conversations he said to me “this happens all the time, in every one of my relationships, they want to stop me from doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it”, I always said I wasn’t stopping him, but that’s a relationship. A bit of compromise on certain things.
I feel like my life has been a total lie, I have no idea what to believe was ever true. I’m completely broken down here, can’t sleep, can barely eat and I’m not coping. My whole life was there, planned, the fairytale!!! And now it’s gone. I’m 30 years old, no children, single and back at my parents house.
I have always been so independent, luckily I have good friends, an amazing family and a good job but I feel completely numb and empty inside. And the fear of him moving on immediately (which I just KNOW he will) is almost consuming me.
I feel like this is a story I would read in Chat magazine but it’s not fake, it’s actually my life and I’m so so devastated.
How do I ever get over this 